Richard told me he'd watch the two littlest on Friday so I could have a few hours to myself.
I started at the Doctors office because I have been fighting a UTI. I love my Doctor he rarely gets the whole, superior know it all Cuz' I'm a Doctor thing going; but, today he asked me about my pain, in my interpretation of Doctor language this is like saying to me, your pee doesn't have much bacteria in it are you sure you're sick because I'm thinkin' you may have just decided my office was a really fun place to hang out for your Friday afternoon get away, that I am your new best friend and you have nothing better to do with your day then have me poke you in the kidneys, make you pee all over your hand trying to aim into a pixie size dixie cup, and charge you $100.00 bucks.
I gave him my best, do I look like I've made it to 40 something and can't tell when I've got a UTI look, and asked, "have you ever had a UTI?"
He thinks for a minute and says, "No I can't say that I ever have".
I said "Well with a UTI there is a point as your bladder empties that you start yelling the worst 'bad words' you know and my children don't need Mom adding to their 'bad word' vocabulary". He laughed and said, "I've heard it can cause Turrets Syndrome".
We both got a good laugh over that and he sent me on my way with a Rx.
Next I headed to 'Take Your Screaming Child Shopping Day' at Walmart. I hoped to get my Rx filled and find everything on my shopping list. It was an odds and ends list:
Prescription
Pens
Two gym bags
14 boxes of Mac-n-Cheese
Lotion
Yearly planner
I stood watching the pharmacy tech type s-l-o-w-e-r t-h-a-n a t-u-r-t-l-e and realized that I would be standing waiting longer then I had planned to spend in the store so I gave up on the Rx and went to find my odds and ends.
Lotion aisle, father and son trying to find just the right mouthwash. They were blocking the whole aisle and the dad kept calling his son "Bubba" I found this amusing because I think of "Bubba" as a nickname for an under 3 year old or a big ole' red neck. This kid was a skinny, trying to be cool, 13 year old.
Gym bags, not in sporting goods, after 15 minuets of playing hide and seek with with the luggage section I found two gym bags for a good price.
Pens and a Planner easy to find but I got distracted by the nearby Valentines Aisle and ended up buying a bunch of candy and sprinkles for the Primary Activity Day we are planning for February. Primary activities is why I need the pens and planner in the first place.
14 boxes of Mac n Cheese, I didn't exactly need 14 boxes, but, Joseph had asked for frozen mac n cheese, it was 14 cents cheaper then I usually pay and I didn't want to cook dinner before Richard took me on our Friday date so...
On the way to the check stand I found a cute shirt for the gym, cool.
I got in the self checkout line, why are Walmart lines sooo long? The lady ahead of me was going nuts she was talking a hundred miles an hour on her cell phone, fidgeting, eying the number of items in the carts ahead of us and rolling her eyes in exasperation at everyone else checkout speed. at one point she left to see if she could find a shorter line and then came back expecting her spot back. I shouldn't have let her back in but she was making me laugh because she was so stressed out.
I hope that the people in line behind me got a good laugh watching me individually scan 14 boxes of Mac N Cheese and 10 bags of valentines candy. I've decided self checkout is self-delusional way to speed-up checkout lines.
Out in the parking lot I realized that I was walking an aisle away from where I had parked so I tried to cut across slushy snow and ice in between parked cars. Shopping carts do not do well on snow and ice! My cart kept getting stuck trying to go over things as small as a paper or leaf frozen in the snow. I was just about through when I got really stuck, I couldn't push past or around whatever was in the way. I flipped the front end of the cart up in a wheelie and cleared the obstacle with the front wheel only to have the back wheel get stuck on it. I lifted the rear wheel over the obstacle and looked down to see what it was. It was a fish, that's right an eight inch raw fish stuck in the slush in Walmart's parking lot.
I just won't speculate on how a fish ended up in the Walmart parking lot but I ask you... Who goes to the doctor, shops for odds-and-ends and runs over a fish with a shopping cart in the Walmart parking lot on a, 'take a few hours for yourself,' Friday?
A Mom!
Saturday, January 12, 2008
Thursday, January 10, 2008
Like Mother, Like Son
Anyone who knows me, knows, I'd rather do anything outside than be stuck in the house. So, even though I have 7 very willing, strong sons, I do things like mow my lawn and my moms and the neighbors and I actually like to shovel snowy walks . I'm outside doing something as often as possible and I wave at all the ward members and neighbors as they go back and forth.
A brother in our ward seems to think that embarrassing people will help them do better in the future. One day in a ward council meeting he talked about his calling then ended his comments by saying, " Not to embarrass Sister Smith but..." then he went off for several minutes on how the primary had lost a nursery child.
His grandchild was visiting our ward and had been dropped off at nursery, It was a very busy day, with lots of extra kids, not enough teachers and this little one didn't want to be in nursery, he watched for the chance to slip out and then wandered around the building crying. A sister from another ward found him took him to Priesthood where the Bishopric said he wasn't from our ward and they couldn't think of any visitors. Finally the sister took him to Relief Society where his Mom and Grandma were, they were understandably concerned, the nursery teachers felt really bad and apologized to the Mom . I found out about it after church and went and talked to the bishopric and let them know what had happened (they already knew because they felt like they were part of the problem) I also reminded them that we needed more nursery staff, which we had by the next week.
So this brother airs his concerns, the whole room got that uncomfortable feeling, the Bishop doesn't even give me a chance to defend or explain he takes the blame and moves on. When it's my turn to talk about Primary I bring up one or two upcoming events ask a question and say, " That's all I have, Oh, except we lost a child from nursery a couple weeks ago and are very concerned about that." The room erupts in laughter and the sister sitting next to me says, under her breath, "that was funny!"
Last Saturday it snowed, the boys went out and shoveled our walks but didn't think to do their Grandma across the street. Grandma came over to get something around 1:30p.m. The boys were watching a movie so I visited with my Mom and then walked her out the door; I noticed that her walks needed done so I grabbed a shovel and went over. As I was shoveling the afore mentioned brother drives up, stops to visit at the house next door, then, as he's driving off, he stops and tells me he's going to give my boys a hard time for making their Mom shovel their Grandma's walks, I just laughed and waved, I didn't think he was serious.
The next day in Priesthood meeting he asked Jacob, Joshua and Jeremiah to stand up in front of the whole group, then went on and on about what a good job their Mom did shoveling their Grandmas walks. Josh was mad, Miah felt stupid and Jacob said, " Yeah, she's really good at shoveling walks, you should see her mow lawns!" The whole room erupted with laughter. Poor fella, did he forget who's sons he was trying to embarrass?
A brother in our ward seems to think that embarrassing people will help them do better in the future. One day in a ward council meeting he talked about his calling then ended his comments by saying, " Not to embarrass Sister Smith but..." then he went off for several minutes on how the primary had lost a nursery child.
His grandchild was visiting our ward and had been dropped off at nursery, It was a very busy day, with lots of extra kids, not enough teachers and this little one didn't want to be in nursery, he watched for the chance to slip out and then wandered around the building crying. A sister from another ward found him took him to Priesthood where the Bishopric said he wasn't from our ward and they couldn't think of any visitors. Finally the sister took him to Relief Society where his Mom and Grandma were, they were understandably concerned, the nursery teachers felt really bad and apologized to the Mom . I found out about it after church and went and talked to the bishopric and let them know what had happened (they already knew because they felt like they were part of the problem) I also reminded them that we needed more nursery staff, which we had by the next week.
So this brother airs his concerns, the whole room got that uncomfortable feeling, the Bishop doesn't even give me a chance to defend or explain he takes the blame and moves on. When it's my turn to talk about Primary I bring up one or two upcoming events ask a question and say, " That's all I have, Oh, except we lost a child from nursery a couple weeks ago and are very concerned about that." The room erupts in laughter and the sister sitting next to me says, under her breath, "that was funny!"
Last Saturday it snowed, the boys went out and shoveled our walks but didn't think to do their Grandma across the street. Grandma came over to get something around 1:30p.m. The boys were watching a movie so I visited with my Mom and then walked her out the door; I noticed that her walks needed done so I grabbed a shovel and went over. As I was shoveling the afore mentioned brother drives up, stops to visit at the house next door, then, as he's driving off, he stops and tells me he's going to give my boys a hard time for making their Mom shovel their Grandma's walks, I just laughed and waved, I didn't think he was serious.
The next day in Priesthood meeting he asked Jacob, Joshua and Jeremiah to stand up in front of the whole group, then went on and on about what a good job their Mom did shoveling their Grandmas walks. Josh was mad, Miah felt stupid and Jacob said, " Yeah, she's really good at shoveling walks, you should see her mow lawns!" The whole room erupted with laughter. Poor fella, did he forget who's sons he was trying to embarrass?
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Snow
We have had a lot of snow lately so I have a couple of funny snow stories to share. Today when Jacob Josh and I drove to the gym there was so much snow and it was so slick that we spun out four or five times and it took fifteen minutes to go the little over a mile distance. When I dropped the boys off at school and returned home I parked on the street so that I could shovel the driveway then take the other boys. At 9:00 we went out to get Miah and Ben to school and I was stuck. I tried to gun it and get out, I dug around the tires but there was a sheet of ice under the snow so I couldn't get any traction.
The little old guy across the street had come out to see how much snow there was and offered to drive the car out of the snow for me. He impressed me I must admit he gave it some gas and, in one try, spun and slid out of the gutter and on to the street. He jumped out and told me to give it some power and then stood behind the car to push if I needed a little extra momentum.
I gave it some gas and slid around a little, gave it a lot of gas and peeled out. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw my poor little old neighbor covered with snow, my rear tires had shot out snow as they spun looking for traction and he was right behind the tire. He was covered I mean covered and he had this stunned look on his face that was so tragic it made me...laugh. Yes, I didn't stop to help or brush him off, I couldn't, I was laughing too hard. Miah and Ben wanted to know why I was laughing, I calmed down enough to tell them and when they said, "it's not funny Mom" it made me laugh even harder. Who knew I was such a sadist?
I came home and began shoveling, my neighbor came out and began working with his snow blower he kept his distance for about an hour then helped me clear off the last of my Mom's driveway and told me I should go in because my hair was wet. I didn't dare try to apologize I couldn't risk laughing again.
Well the kids are destroying the house so I'd better finish this later.
The little old guy across the street had come out to see how much snow there was and offered to drive the car out of the snow for me. He impressed me I must admit he gave it some gas and, in one try, spun and slid out of the gutter and on to the street. He jumped out and told me to give it some power and then stood behind the car to push if I needed a little extra momentum.
I gave it some gas and slid around a little, gave it a lot of gas and peeled out. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw my poor little old neighbor covered with snow, my rear tires had shot out snow as they spun looking for traction and he was right behind the tire. He was covered I mean covered and he had this stunned look on his face that was so tragic it made me...laugh. Yes, I didn't stop to help or brush him off, I couldn't, I was laughing too hard. Miah and Ben wanted to know why I was laughing, I calmed down enough to tell them and when they said, "it's not funny Mom" it made me laugh even harder. Who knew I was such a sadist?
I came home and began shoveling, my neighbor came out and began working with his snow blower he kept his distance for about an hour then helped me clear off the last of my Mom's driveway and told me I should go in because my hair was wet. I didn't dare try to apologize I couldn't risk laughing again.
Well the kids are destroying the house so I'd better finish this later.
Monday, January 7, 2008
New Years Evolutions
I have spent most of my life planning for what kind of person I'd be and what kind of things I'd do when I was better at this or that, when I lost some weight etc. . So I have an evolutionary resolution. Be, act, live as I want to be when I have attained all my goals and the being will take care of the doing.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Nicknames
I have discovered some really well written, funny blogs out there. It's so fun to lose myself in someone else's eerily similar life for a few min...hours. I've noticed that many of you have really great nicknames for all the members of your family. This, I am learning is for their protection from would be creepy persons and, I suppose, anonymity(the word processor and I just about came to blows over this word) when you become rich and famous. Seriously some of your blogs are so creative, well done, and funny.
I was trying to think of really great nicknames for my kids, something that expresses their unique personality in a funny yet memorable way; not, that I would be any more likely to get their nickname right then I am their given name. So here goes, creative nicknames for my children.
Jacob: Motherload, he frequently informs us that he is more of a parent to his younger siblings then we are, and that he spends more time with them then we do. He backs up everything we try to teach them with an all knowing comment(which his brothers really appreciate, not).
Joshua: Inspector Gadget, this child has wanted to be an inventor/engineer since he was 2. He could write a book on 101 hundred, parent disapproved, uses for a roll of duct tape and all the wood, old boxes, and scrap metal in your neighborhood.
Jeremiah: Bi Polar, this kid is the joy of everyone he meets, great athlete, yet humble, serious with a killer sense of humor, efficient, organized, on time. But, try being 15 minutes late getting him a meal or alter his schedule slightly...
Benjamin:Saint, The other day he comes in and tells me that if you sit quietly in a tree for a long time, that birds will come and talk to you, he was serious and I believed him. We actually praise him for being a little bad from time to time.
Isaac: Player, what can I say, the boy has everyone in the neighborhood wrapped around a finger. He can talk his way into or out of anything. And his smile...
Joseph: Super Hero, serious, determined to be the best at everything. We're going to have to work on the whole alter ego thing though.
Adam: What The..., when ever Adam discovers something new you'll hear him say at the top of his lungs, WHAT THE...he rarely adds the heck on the end, although he proved yesterday that he knows at least one alternative ending to the phrase(a really bad one, sigh). Nearly every time we come across Adam, doing what Adam does, we yell, WHAT THE...
So there you have it my children's new super secret nicknames, or I could just go with what I usually call them jakejoshmiahbenjoeisaaadamargh, or, you little sh...weetheart.
I was trying to think of really great nicknames for my kids, something that expresses their unique personality in a funny yet memorable way; not, that I would be any more likely to get their nickname right then I am their given name. So here goes, creative nicknames for my children.
Jacob: Motherload, he frequently informs us that he is more of a parent to his younger siblings then we are, and that he spends more time with them then we do. He backs up everything we try to teach them with an all knowing comment(which his brothers really appreciate, not).
Joshua: Inspector Gadget, this child has wanted to be an inventor/engineer since he was 2. He could write a book on 101 hundred, parent disapproved, uses for a roll of duct tape and all the wood, old boxes, and scrap metal in your neighborhood.
Jeremiah: Bi Polar, this kid is the joy of everyone he meets, great athlete, yet humble, serious with a killer sense of humor, efficient, organized, on time. But, try being 15 minutes late getting him a meal or alter his schedule slightly...
Benjamin:Saint, The other day he comes in and tells me that if you sit quietly in a tree for a long time, that birds will come and talk to you, he was serious and I believed him. We actually praise him for being a little bad from time to time.
Isaac: Player, what can I say, the boy has everyone in the neighborhood wrapped around a finger. He can talk his way into or out of anything. And his smile...
Joseph: Super Hero, serious, determined to be the best at everything. We're going to have to work on the whole alter ego thing though.
Adam: What The..., when ever Adam discovers something new you'll hear him say at the top of his lungs, WHAT THE...he rarely adds the heck on the end, although he proved yesterday that he knows at least one alternative ending to the phrase(a really bad one, sigh). Nearly every time we come across Adam, doing what Adam does, we yell, WHAT THE...
So there you have it my children's new super secret nicknames, or I could just go with what I usually call them jakejoshmiahbenjoeisaaadamargh, or, you little sh...weetheart.
Friday, January 4, 2008
Bathroom Fun
I'm sleepy and punchy and on a, trying to eat the last of the Christmas treats so I can lose that last 50 lbs by January 31st, high.
The only interesting, or not, things that have happened in the last 3 days are:
Adam has begun his transformation into a Smurf.
Joseph has become so skilled at styling his own hair that he has begun styling Adams hair. Love that gel, thanks Santa.
The Fish is still alive.
Mom has emerged from the bathroom alive and well. (No, No, No, I am not pregnant, but 4 of my eleven siblings, or their wives, are)
The Primary Manuals are out.
Bed head is alive and well(nice strategic hand placement Adam).
I thought of a really great New Years Resolution post but am too punchy to post it, maybe tomorrow.
The only interesting, or not, things that have happened in the last 3 days are:
Adam has begun his transformation into a Smurf.
Joseph has become so skilled at styling his own hair that he has begun styling Adams hair. Love that gel, thanks Santa.
The Fish is still alive.
Mom has emerged from the bathroom alive and well. (No, No, No, I am not pregnant, but 4 of my eleven siblings, or their wives, are)
The Primary Manuals are out.
Bed head is alive and well(nice strategic hand placement Adam).
I thought of a really great New Years Resolution post but am too punchy to post it, maybe tomorrow.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Holy Cow
On the 31st Richards wakes up and says, "I Want to make a roast with carrots and potatoes around it". I, recovering from two days of the stomach flu, am willing to agree to anything that someone else will make.
Richard leaves to work for part of the day so all I have to do is get a roast and toss it in the oven. Not usually a big deal for me. By noon I'm still in a robe shoving handfuls of cheese popcorn into my face to quell the waves of nausea (no, I'm not pregnant, Oh this has been a fun three days). So I concoct a nauseatingly brilliant plan, I'll send Jacob and Joshua to the store for the roast and some carrots before they go to their afternoon video party with a friend.
I round up the boys and give them forty dollars, and instructions, "Go to the store, get a roast and a bag of carrots."
Boys: Mom what kind of roast, be specific, we don't want to get it wrong? (To them trips to the store are a chance to reach into past lives and become native hunter/gatherers).
Mom: Get a couple of rump roasts. Do not get a pot roast! (Pot roasts make me ill on a good day)
Boys: How much roast? We want to know exactly how much. (As they sharpen their spears)
Mom: Um, two roasts is about, I dunno (through a mouth full of cheesy popcorn) 10 lbs? And don't forget the carrots.
Boys: 10 lbs of rump roast, rump roast, rump roast and carrots. (They utter their ancient chant as they set off, fierce hunter/gatherers, to secure meat for their cave momma)
Cave Momma: Turns green, runs to the bathroom.
I figure, with the specific instructions and the simplicity of the task, they will be back in fifteen minutes and off to their video party. 40 minutes later I rouse myself, from stomach flu self pity, to a little concern, their friend calls to see where they are. I ask if he will go look for them if they aren't back in fifteen minutes.
Fifteen minutes later the car pulls in, my hunters are back thank heavens! I call off the search party. The hunt was successful, they have found the beast, ascertained its weakness, stalked, slew, and selected the choicest cut, loaded it in their Suburban pack horse and returned, triumphant! As with all ancient warriors they first have to tell the tale, they triumphantly slap the roast on the cupboard, I can't take my blurry eyes off the impressive kill (I should have paid a little more attention during weights and measures).
The tale begins, "Mom, we had to go to Macy's, Harmon's was out of rump roasts." They are beaming with their ingenuity and skill.
"We looked and looked, we couldn't find one bigger then 3 or 4 lbs. So, we asked the butcher lady." Ha, they enlisted an expert, a semi-hot female no less.
She said, "Boys, lets go cut you one." She was a cunning choice.
"It's fresh Mom. It cost $41.29 We had to use our own money to buy the carrots and pay taxes." They are breathless with the mastery of it all.
Tale told, testosterone fix secured , they are off to their video party and I am left to my cheesy popcorn and trying to find a pan that will accommodate the beast.
Seasoned, and browned waiting for potatoes and carrots. This is not the 11x13 Pyrex. It's the bigger one(I'm really going to have to figure out this measurements thing). At this point we invited one family over to dinner, after we got the veggies around it we called another family.
This is our New Years Eve feast, out of the oven and ready to eat. Our friends the Baileys with their 2 children came over, my brother, John, his wife and 6 children and we still had leftovers. After dinner we had a Wii bowling tournament, visited and passed around some non-alcoholic bubbly and saw in the New Year.
Hanna, showing all the excitement of our New Year's Celebration.
The aftermath. This is what happens when you leave families home alone for New Years Eve.
The next morning we looked around to see who was still here and where they had slept.
Isaac, couch in the Grandpa Room.
Jeremiah, couch in the Grandpa room.
Benjamin, couch in the living room. Their cousin Sam slept somewhere in one of these rooms.
Dad, Mom, Joseph and Adam in Mom and Dads bed, as usual.
Jacob and Joshua slept at Austin's, came home at 10:30 am looking very much like modern teenagers instead of the fierce roast hunters they proved themselves to be.
Happy New Years to all!
Richard leaves to work for part of the day so all I have to do is get a roast and toss it in the oven. Not usually a big deal for me. By noon I'm still in a robe shoving handfuls of cheese popcorn into my face to quell the waves of nausea (no, I'm not pregnant, Oh this has been a fun three days). So I concoct a nauseatingly brilliant plan, I'll send Jacob and Joshua to the store for the roast and some carrots before they go to their afternoon video party with a friend.
I round up the boys and give them forty dollars, and instructions, "Go to the store, get a roast and a bag of carrots."
Boys: Mom what kind of roast, be specific, we don't want to get it wrong? (To them trips to the store are a chance to reach into past lives and become native hunter/gatherers).
Mom: Get a couple of rump roasts. Do not get a pot roast! (Pot roasts make me ill on a good day)
Boys: How much roast? We want to know exactly how much. (As they sharpen their spears)
Mom: Um, two roasts is about, I dunno (through a mouth full of cheesy popcorn) 10 lbs? And don't forget the carrots.
Boys: 10 lbs of rump roast, rump roast, rump roast and carrots. (They utter their ancient chant as they set off, fierce hunter/gatherers, to secure meat for their cave momma)
Cave Momma: Turns green, runs to the bathroom.
I figure, with the specific instructions and the simplicity of the task, they will be back in fifteen minutes and off to their video party. 40 minutes later I rouse myself, from stomach flu self pity, to a little concern, their friend calls to see where they are. I ask if he will go look for them if they aren't back in fifteen minutes.
Fifteen minutes later the car pulls in, my hunters are back thank heavens! I call off the search party. The hunt was successful, they have found the beast, ascertained its weakness, stalked, slew, and selected the choicest cut, loaded it in their Suburban pack horse and returned, triumphant! As with all ancient warriors they first have to tell the tale, they triumphantly slap the roast on the cupboard, I can't take my blurry eyes off the impressive kill (I should have paid a little more attention during weights and measures).
The tale begins, "Mom, we had to go to Macy's, Harmon's was out of rump roasts." They are beaming with their ingenuity and skill.
"We looked and looked, we couldn't find one bigger then 3 or 4 lbs. So, we asked the butcher lady." Ha, they enlisted an expert, a semi-hot female no less.
She said, "Boys, lets go cut you one." She was a cunning choice.
"It's fresh Mom. It cost $41.29 We had to use our own money to buy the carrots and pay taxes." They are breathless with the mastery of it all.
Tale told, testosterone fix secured , they are off to their video party and I am left to my cheesy popcorn and trying to find a pan that will accommodate the beast.
Seasoned, and browned waiting for potatoes and carrots. This is not the 11x13 Pyrex. It's the bigger one(I'm really going to have to figure out this measurements thing). At this point we invited one family over to dinner, after we got the veggies around it we called another family.
This is our New Years Eve feast, out of the oven and ready to eat. Our friends the Baileys with their 2 children came over, my brother, John, his wife and 6 children and we still had leftovers. After dinner we had a Wii bowling tournament, visited and passed around some non-alcoholic bubbly and saw in the New Year.
Hanna, showing all the excitement of our New Year's Celebration.
The aftermath. This is what happens when you leave families home alone for New Years Eve.
The next morning we looked around to see who was still here and where they had slept.
Isaac, couch in the Grandpa Room.
Jeremiah, couch in the Grandpa room.
Benjamin, couch in the living room. Their cousin Sam slept somewhere in one of these rooms.
Dad, Mom, Joseph and Adam in Mom and Dads bed, as usual.Jacob and Joshua slept at Austin's, came home at 10:30 am looking very much like modern teenagers instead of the fierce roast hunters they proved themselves to be.
Happy New Years to all!
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