Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mothers Day

I've been wanting to do this post for quite some time. I had intended to call it Book Ends because this post is about my sister Jenny and me. I am the oldest child in my family of eleven siblings and Jenny is the youngest. I think Jenny was three years old when I left for college so no one can claim that our similarities are due to my influence on her young impressionable mind.

It must be genetics.

Jenny and I have lived across the street from each other for the past nine years now. She with our Mom, me with my testosterone brood. It's been really fun to discover how similar we are despite the many years between us. Well, fun for us, I'm fairly sure my Mom wonders where we came from with our tattoo loving, tank top exchanging ways.

Jenny was the first person I went to after reading the anonymous "Friend" letter demanding my #2 son cut his hair and quit leading the church boys astray with his rebel ways. "Talk me down!" I said, handing her the letters and the pictures of missionaries and a convict. She read the letter, laughed and said, "No way I'm talking you down, I want to see you let loose on this!"

A few weeks ago Jenny started a blog, she calls it a book, soccer, movie blog, check it out at Alternate Readality on my sidebar. (Cute blog name, right?) Unfortunately soccer season was in full swing and Jenny was rooting hard for Real Madrid, her "soccer boys", she may have focused on soccer a lot in those first few posts. She posted a couple pictures of one soccer body boy shirtless, but with an assurance to those who might take offense, that she had even better pictures but didn't dare post them because, hello, our Mom would be scandalized.

She emailed me the "even better" picture of Sergio Ramos, the one she hadn't posted... is it hot in here? Now I intended to post that picture on another blog of mine with less of a family geared audience as a part of this post. Adorable Hubby and Jenny thought this post should be a Mothers Day post on this blog so I'll just describe the picture.

Jenny and I both agree that Sergio has a hot name and even hotter body, his, so. But, when you're as impossibly hot as Sergio it's only fair you're not completely perfect. Any who, in this picture Sergio's hair is brushed out in shoulder length locks of manliness, and he's wearing only what God and soccer gave him (And WoW! What God and soccer gave him!) with a pair of soccer cleats covering his man parts.

I responded this with this email.

Dear Sergio and Jenny,

Which picture represents the soccer standards you hold dear?

(This is Sergio)

Please Read, For the Hotness of Soccer, especially the section about hair length. It states, and I quote, "Just because you are impossibly hot and have the body of a Greek Olympian doesn't mean you can wear your hair like one. Don't you realize that some players are balding and will be sad if they have to mouth kiss another player who mocks their follicley challenged hotness with his flowing locks of manliness? And certain players would be uncomfortable grabbing the ass of a player who wears his hair long. What would Soccer come to if hot, sweaty men no longer lip kissed and Glute Grabbed their fellow players?"

Sergio, since you brought your "man locks" to Real Madrid, like, two other players have grown their hair out too. See what your example is causing?

Please for the love of all that is Soccer, cut your hair, quit with all this open praying stuff and slip some guy the tongue already...perhaps that cute Australian player. Now he has nice short hair.

And, Jenny, quit encouraging Sergio.


A Friend

Jenny responded with.

I was laughing sooooo hard I had to read it three times just to appreciate it! Thanks for all the hot pics. I'm not ashamed!

Now I'm not a huge soccer fan but I love that she is. And she can send me pictures of hot, scantily clad soccer players I can be supportive and sisterly.

Jenny and I share a love for pedicures, tattoos, cute clothes, awesome shoes, movies, tank-tops, books, lime-coconut cup cakes, seasonal t-shirts, junior mints, Be-Dazzlers, sarcasm, writing, adventure, beaches...the list just keeps going.

We do have one little sibling rivalry however.

Who has the better cleavage...


or me?

I text-ed her this picture a week ago, and wished her a Happy Mothers day.


A couple years ago on Mothers Day we sat next to each other as a church member spoke about the evils of Sexting...on Mothers Day Sunday. We kept poking each other in the ribs and may have whispered how we wished we had our cell phones.

Jenny text-ed me back last week with her cleavage shot and, "It's not Mother's Day but what a great way to brighten my morning"

Clearly she was conceding the Cleavage Wars in my favor.

Mom, I know sometimes you wonder how you got eleven kids to turn out so great. Consider what you had to begin with and how you ended... how could you have failed with all that going on??

Love you, Jenny!

Love You Mom!

Happy Mothers Day to all you Moms out there.


Kristina P. said...

This is hilarious!! And someone actually gave a talk about sexting? Awesome.

Happy Mother's Day!

Adams Family said...

K, I truely don't get a lot of the things you and Jenny get, but I will say that that is a realllly cute picture of Jenny. I may sign her up for an online dating account with it and I don't get those either.

Jenny said...

Alright, you win, but in my defense I wasn't wearing the best shirt to show my ladies off! Thanks for the tribute. Love ya!

Mary Ann said...

I'm slightly offended I wasn't considered for the hot cleavage contest. Even if nursing gives me an unfair advantage.

Barbaloot said...

Hilarious. Love this post---and yes, please cut the hair!

Suey said...

Hmmm... seeing Jenny in a whole new light! :)

I have found that my youngest sister and I (19 year difference, born AFTER I went to college)also have found a lot of common interests. It's been a blast to discover them these past few years.

Unknown Mami said...

I hope there have been no fatalities because of the cleavage wars. Hilarious!

Gill said...

OMG Laughter the very best medicine!! Thank you for this post. I think i will read it again and again! ... yes you win the war.. wish you were my sister.. i'd give you a run for your money LOL... sexting from England though.. may cost a bit too much!! ;)

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