Tuesday, December 29, 2009

2009 Christmas Memories

Some Christmas Memories

#8 only wanted his drivers license for Christmas. I dunno, he don't look happy do he?

#8 also got a stocking thanks Grandma!

Christmas morning tradition, meet in Mom and Dad's bed for prayer before going in to see what Santa left.

Old fashioned Christmas!

New family member!

I think he is loved!

The Big Fellow's been here.

What Christmas does to Dads.

The reason.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Random Christmas Stuff

Christmas hugs to all, just thought I'd jot down some random Christmas thoughts.

My neighbor has these really great icicle lights, they are neon bluish, garish, well suited to lighting a North Pole burlesque show, and I freakin' love them! I have a bad case of icicle lights envy.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT over eat pop-corn, even if it is coated with caramel or white chocolate. Pop-corn is fiber, and salad for lunch to balance the guilt of too much sugar coated fiber is more fiber. Fiber overdose is NOT pretty.

I have the most incredible boys. #1 and #2 used their money to be Santa for their little brothers. #3 got in on the act by giving his Game Boy DS to #5 and #4 was on a mission to get the lowest cost Christmas presents of all the brothers or none at all.

We have a new baby at Boy House. He's adorable, a boy (of course), 6-8 months old and deeply loved by 8 big brothers. His name is Titan he is a Rottweiler mix or Muttweiler as I have dubbed him. #4 has cleaned up every potty trip and everyone is more then willing to feed him and take him for walks. I wonder how that will last.

I got a set of mooses meece a male and female moose made by my sister for Christmas. Her Husband didn't get it. My husband didn't get it. Our Daddy loved moose, it was his high school nickname he passed it on to my Mom and well...OK I don't get it either but, I love my moose'.

My sweet friend Suzie came over just before Christmas to take some pictures of the two of us for a present she was working on. I think it was the first time in my life I was able to focus on the good beautiful me instead of the rolls and wrinkles. Thanks Suzie for being my best friend ever and seeing me better then I see myself. She took some pictures of me with my boys. I'm going to try to post them.

This truly has been a joyful Christmas we have soaked in the abundance and beauty of life. Thanks to all of you for your love and for sharing our lives this past year.

Thanks to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ for his loving example of how to live in joy.

Adorable Hubby and Boy Mom followed by Boy Mom and #1- #8

Saturday, December 19, 2009

2009 Memories, #7

What the crap....it's Saturday AM and I really want to sleep it off, Adorable Hubbies office party at our home last night that is, but it seems that getting up early all week to clean and decorate etc. has become an annoying habit.

And that brings me to my topic, #7. This blog is a journal of sorts so I want to be sure that I capture life events and the personalities of my boys. The next few posts I want to record some of these types of things in my boys lives.

#7 has been adorable in ways only a Boy Mommy could love. Every night he comes in at bed time for a cuddle, he laughs and roughhouses until we finally end up threatening him with his own bed. Just as he begins to relax and get really sleepy he jumps up strips off all his clothes cuddles under the blankets and drifts off to sleep. Yep, #7 just can't sleep with clothing on, can't do it. If I trick him in to falling asleep in pajamas before morning he will have undressed himself.

#7's naked sleeping habit adds tons of cute to this next little habit of #7's. #7 has the most beautiful hair. It's a blend of so many colors, has just the right amount of wave, and since he was our baby we let it grow and grow and grow. When he was a baby #7 would reach up with his right hand to one certain spot on his head and twirl his hair around his finger. More than once, when his hair was longer I had to free his finger which he had managed to twist into a tight not of hair. #7's hair is shorter now but each night when I get him up to use the bathroom my sleepy boy stands naked, eyes closed, twirling his hair in front of the toilet.

Last night we were cuddled up with our youngest three discussing the last two days of school before Christmas break. Tuesday is, Pajama Day, a fun tradition at our elementary school where the kids wear their pajamas to school eat breakfast and visit with Santa. As we cuddled I asked #7, "So what are you wearing for Pajama Day?"

He thought about it a minute, his eyes began to sparkle he laughed, "I guess I'm going to school naked on Tuesday" he said. "My class will really like it!" He assured me.

#7 has been a big help with Christmas Decorating this year. He sings "Feliz Navidad" over and over and over and over complete with a chorus of, "I wanta MISS you a Merry Christmas from the bottom of my heart!" (we can't convince him that it's WISH you a Merry Christmas,I should just be glad that he hasn't picked up the bottom, fart rendition) As he sings he delves into boxes of decorations dragging out anything that catches his interest placing it where it was last year or, if memory fails, wherever he thinks it should go.

So far he has launched a couple of antique glass ball ornaments across the room where they have shattered. Did #7 feel chagrin over breaking these antique glass ornaments given me by Adorable Hubbies Grandma? Nope, he ran to get #6, " You gotta throw one of these, #6, it's so cool how it explodes when it hit's something!" Lovely, I knew I'd kept them all these years for their cool explosive properties.

#7 has made many, many, many cute holiday creations at school everyone of which he insists must be hanging on the fridge. Some of these I'll keep for his scrapbook but I've been selecting a few to decorate the inside of the trash can. Usually I'm sneaky and manage to get away with it but he caught me the other day and now routinely checks the trash can for his treasures. You don't have to say it, I'm a BAD Mommy!

The best thing about #7 is that he loves everything and everyone. I must hear about a hundred times a day, "I LOVE you Mom!" accompanied by a huge hug and kiss, on the lips, baby. #7 loves school and can't wait to go everyday I'm shedding a big fat tear right now, finally a child that likes kindergarten. The only thing #7 doesn't love right now is meat. #7 has become a vegetarian, will not eat meat, won't eat his food if meat is on his plate, weird in a family of carnivorousness, but cool!

I sure love ya, #7 you've convinced me that yellow is the best color ever, that every moment of life should be experienced fully, naked, and joyfully, except for meat, 'cause that's just gross.

Stay tuned for more 2009 memories, or feel free to tune out for a few days.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Why I Sometimes Don't Eat Dinner

Working makes dinner time difficult, I just don't want to face another hour on my feet cooking. Alright I'm totally lying, work has nothing to do with it, most days I really don't feel like coming up with a nutritious, appealing meal that everyone will delight in. (ha, like a nutritious, appealing meal that EVERYONE will delight in is even a reality) Most nights I manage to feed them all with only half of us being completely disgusted by what's available and defaulting to peanut butter sandwiches.

Tonight I thought I had it right. I brought home three rotisserie chickens, which they all love, my only task was to think of a suitable side dish. I arranged the chickens on the cupboard, #'s 5-8 stood around me gazing in awe at the chicken bounty. "What shall we have to go with our chickens?" I asked

"Pizza!" Shouted #7 emphatically. Turns out he has developed a meat issue.

"Whatever we have I know it will be gross, and disgusting. And, I don't want any of that brown chicken it's disgusting and slimy I only want white chicken!" #5 is in his disgusted period.

"I just want to see the chicken get it's head cut off for once, I've never seen that before." I have seen that, #6, it's overrated, not to mention an appetite killer.

And #8, he just drooled a lot and tried not to look too anxious, he realllllllllllllllly likes chicken. Really, really!

What is it with kids and food? I ended up defaulting to peanut butter.

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

A Christmas Post

Hmmm, I find myself humming annoying Christmas tunes (Feliz Navidad in an accent) and I have been sorting through the pictures of Christmas past, I guess that means I'm not a complete Scrooge. In my defense I have an eyebrow raising, jaw clenching Christmas list to fill this year. My boys are well aware that Christmas will be a simple affair this year and will have to cost uhh, nothing so they have thought long and hard about one or two little gifts they would like now Santa and I just have to figure long and hard about how to make their Christmas dreams come true.

The boys decided that the main gift this year will be a DOG. Three years ago our adorable little Muffin went to doggy heaven. The boys have decided it's time to move on. We're going to adopt a dog from an animal shelter, because we watched way to many Sarah McLaughlin commercials this year, and it's cost effective. Now I just have to convince the boys and myself that ONE dog is the limit and that breeding doesn't matter.

My boys have each chosen one or two little additional gifts that they would like from Santa.

#1 Wants to be considered an adult and be Santa's elf this year. Cool, that's a gift we can easily give.

#2 Wants a didgeridoo, so he can play naked in the basement and feel native. Ummm, shudder!

#3 Wants 2 black shirts, a long sleeve shirt and a beanie, "You know one of those one with ear flaps like little girls wear, only not pink." He always knows exactly what he wants, bless him.

#4 Want's it to be cloudy and snowing on Christmas day because, no matter what you get, if it's sunny outside it just doesn't feel like Christmas. Maybe I can buy snowy weather at the didgeridoo store.

#5 Wants a chocolate coin maker, (What the...) and TWO walkie-talkies. Just in case I didn't realize that ONE walkie-talkie isn't much fun.

#6 Wants a football uniform, helmet, pads, cleats and a Jersey, "And it better not be BYU!" Uncle Brian will be so proud.

#7 Wants a big Lightening McQueen, the kind you ride in. He missed the "One or Two LITTLE gifts memo.

#8 Wants an IPod Touch... He must have missed the "One or Two LITTLE gifts memo as well.

So yeah, a dog, didgeridoo, TWO walkie-talkie, snowy, 18 year old adult elf, Football uniform for a scrawny 7 year old, umm do you know how much one of those costs, list has me scrambling and humbugging a bit.

I did get the only gift I need the other night though. I got to put up Christmas lights with 8, trash talkin', snowball throwing, hanging off the snowy roof, rough housing, loud, funny, can I put my freezing hands on your belly, boys. And, I wouldn't trade this ALL BOY MADNESS for anything.

Hope your holiday season is bringing you JOY!

Monday, December 7, 2009

The Sweetest Sounds

A few years ago #4 asked for an Irish tin whistle for Christmas. He has picked it up from time to time and managed to learn how to play Mary Had a Little Lamb, the Little Drummer Boy and Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. This year #4 choose to home school, 7th grade is tough and this is a sensitive fellow. We have supported him in the decision, but except for checking his work have left it up to him to set the curriculum (based on 7th grade requirements of course). As part of his self directed curriculum #4 has began learning songs on his tin whistle.

As I sit here he is playing along to I know that My Redeemer Lives one of his and my favorites. Each note isn't yet perfect but he is going through it over and over without being prompted, the sweetest sound to a mothers ears.

Another sweet sound filled my ears today. My #1 called from a three day seminar he is attending with his Grandpa, he was feeling stressed out about how to process all the information and the attitude of the presenters. His first thought was to call Mom. We talked for awhile and he calmed down took a deep breath and said, "I'm going back in now, thanks for talking to me, I love you." That's some SWEET TALK coming from this boy.

Hope your day is filled with sweet sounds.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009


Early this year one of my favorite bloggers, Octamom, and some of her bloggy friends choose a word that would define the focus of their personal growth for 2009. Since I thrive on the unique and original trying to incorporate other peoples great ideas into my life I choose a word too. My word is LIGHT. Throughout the year I have thought about word light and how the concept of light applies to me and my life.

I admit that at first it was a lame attempt at yet another diet, in my mind I was spelling it LITE, yeah I know, LAME. Light has come to mean so many things to me, the light of Christ, my light, light as a source of warmth and peace; but, mostly it has come to mean, the illumination of myths that I have falsely based my life on. Myths that have caused me to blunder along in the dark stubbing my toes and soul on obstacles that I created and placed in my path.

Monday Octamom and her fellow bloggers choose an animal that symbolized to them their word. After some thought about what the word, light, has come to mean to me I choose an animal too.

Wikipedia defines my animal of choice this way.

"A phoenix is a mythical bird with a colorful plumage and a tail of gold and scarlet (or purple, blue, and green according to some legends). It has a 500 to 1,000 year life-cycle, near the end of which it builds itself a nest of twigs that then ignites; both nest and bird burn fiercely and are reduced to ashes, from which a new, young phoenix or phoenix egg arises, reborn anew to live again."

Here are some of the myths I have believed creating giant stumbling blocks which cast a dark shadow over all I do.

1- Skinny people are happier, than heavy people.
What I am learning: All body types feel awkward, sad, ugly, or beautiful, attractive and happy at any given time. Those that focus on THIN as the magical feel good pill will generally spend life heavy. There is a weight that is perfect for me but I will never get there until I let go of happiness and attractiveness as a weight destination. I will have just as many sad, awkward, ugly days at my perfect weight as I have now.

2-Attractiveness, some people are born with it some aren't.
What I am learning: Being attractive is all about loving yourself, completely utterly and fully, seeing, accepting and loving all your strengths and all your weakness equally. We attract by being open to others as they really are with all their strengths and weaknesses. Openness to others starts with our inner dialog to us about us. Love you and others will love you.

3- Weaknesses I know what they are and I must overcome them
What I am learning: I repeatedly run to God with what I perceive as horrible weaknesses and demand that he wrench them out of my life so that I'll be better. There is a scripture that says, " if men come unto me I will show unto them their weaknesses." I struggle to have the faith to come humbly before God without a laundry list of weakness that a prideful, comparing me, has compiled in the dark. As I have sought light in this area of my life I've come to realize that most of what I consider weakness in myself is just a comparison of how I believe others live, based on my perceptions not their reality. Only a loving, eternal seeing Father in heaven can shine a pure light on what my weaknesses truly are and light the path of change.

4- Want:
What I have learned: Wow! This is a big one for me. Somehow from a very early age I accepted the myth that wanting things was bad. If I wanted candy or treats, BAD. If I wanted new clothes, BAD. If I wanted to be touched and loved, BAD. If I wanted people to think I was funny or cute or sexy or wild, sweet or naughty, BAD. If I wanted to find out for myself whether a concept or lifestyle was for me or not, BAD. In short anything I wanted in life I considered bad because, duh, wanting equaled BAD. I got really good at pretending I didn't want, and the better I got at pretending that I didn't want things the more I wanted and the BADDER I thought I was. Wanting is a vital part of life, if we didn't want say, oxygen for example... Wanting is simply a state of being, we want therefore we are, or something like that. As long as we recognize that attainment of a want is not a positive and that lack of what we want is not a negative; but, that we choose our emotional response in any given situation, wanting will not govern our lives. Our wants, carefully examined, light applied, will guide us to the truest sense of who we are as a child of God and what we are becoming.

5- Perfection, I must find the perfect person and copy them perfectly.
What I'm learning: I am perfect just the way I am in each moment. Even when I'm dorky or lame, rude or stupid, mean, weak, undisciplined, sarcastic, crude, bratty, gluttonous(cause that's a cool word) silly, annoying. I've always been horrified that I'm those things. Guess what? Those qualities and the resulting embarrassment or pain bring more light into my life than most of my, so called, good qualities. No one is perfect, I get that on others behalf and love them for it, it's time for me to give myself the same space for growth I give others.

6-Sexuality, tee hee, giggle, snort.
Yes I'm going here: Light cast on sex reveals it for what it is. The beautiful, life bringing, joyful, kinky, crazy thing that got us here and keeps us going when times are tough. Light teaches that a women or man who represses or carries shame about this gift of God will shrivel and rot on the vine. Sexuality is a plump, ripe, juicy, fruit which gives life, nourishes a relationship, and sweetens everything it touches. Because it matters so much, it is also one of the toughest things we get to figure out, and it's useful to have a partner as dedicated to bringing light to this topic as you are;) I am blessed to have that in my Adorable Hubby.

7-Experience, carefull...woah, better not...stoppp, waait!
What I'm learning: I am here to experience life and love, joy and sorrow, and every little thing in between. I have spent most of my life avoiding experiences until I reached some nebulous level of personal achievement that would make the experience better or at least safe from pain or failure. Light teaches me that in my life there is no failure in experience there has been lots of failure to experience though. I once heard someone say, if you have a goal, live your life as if you have achieved it, teach someone else how to live as you do and viola, you'll be there. It all starts with an embrace of experiences, experiences free from judgments, experiences that bring to light who I am and who I am not.

What I am learning: "Judge not that ye be not judged, for with that same judgment which ye judge so shall ye be judged" Was a truer principal ever taught? All judgment of others is a reflection of the things we judge in ourselves. That's why the child most like me makes me cRaZiest. That's why peoples most annoying traits turn out to be the traits I can't stand in myself. When we are at our most judgmental we are the most self-absorbed and end up bringing judgment upon ourselves. Not the judgment of a loving Savior, he is our "ADVOCATE, with the Father", the way I read it that means they are both on the side of my precious soul. It's self judgment that condemns me to Hell. The light of Christ teaches me that I am Gods child, he loves me and my experiences, my faults, my weakness, my strengths and beauty more deeply, more purely then I love my own children, he is non-judging perfect love.

I have spent this year beginning the process of building a nest of twigs where I am laying down the mythical plumage of false traditions and googly eye crazy beliefs that have worn out their usefulness. I am LIGHTING the the whole thing on fire, I'm sure I'll whine and twist a little as the flames heat up; but, from the ashes is rising the real me, shining, glorious, renewed. A Phoenix, with tears that heal, a symbol of hope, if I can do this anyone can, and love for God, self and others unbound.

Monday, November 30, 2009

Turkey Wraps

No this is not a wonderful recipe for leftover turkey. This is a random wrap-up of our Thanksgiving holiday.

Kudos to Adorable Hubbies Sister and Brother-in-law on an absolutely fantastic turkey and stuffing. Adorable Hubby and I agree that food wise, it was our best ever Thanksgiving. I've got a little trickle of drool running down my chin just thinking of it.

On Monday before Thanksgiving #3 son announced that he wanted to try banana cream pie. I always try to make sure everyone has their favorite food for big gatherings so I made two banana cream pies. Turns out boy family members aren't big banana cream pie fans.

This conversation took place on Thanksgiving morning between me and #5.
"Mom, what is stuffing?"

"It's dried up bread and spices mixed with broth and stuffed inside the Turkey to keep it from drying out while it's cooked."

#5's face is settling into a look of confusion," So you stuff old dried up bread it into the Turkeys guts?"

Boy Mom's face is settling into a look of chagrin at how this sounds, "Well, it's bread mixed with yummy spices and broth, and yes it goes in where the, umm...guts used to be."

"So, how and why do we eat it?" His expression is bordering on disgust.

"Well after the turkey is done cooking, we scoop out the stuffing and put it in a bowl and then some people like to eat it with their potatoes and gravy and turkey..." I can't continue because the look of disgust has turned to a look of horror that is making me feel a little queasy.

"Mom, I don't think I like stuffing." He shudders a little.

"#5, I'm not sure I like stuffing anymore either." as I gag a little over the word stuffing.

Did I mention the stuffing was excellent? It wasn't cooked in the turkey though. And #5 made it very clear that he wasn't eating any stuffing...ever!

I was told by two different people that pecan pie reminded them of beetles. One kind soul, aka #1 son further clarified the beetles as "more like cockroaches really!"

I had no problem eating pecan pie. No worries that no one wanted to share.


We joined Adorable Hubbies Mom and Dad, Brother and Sister and families and two great grandparents for feasting, laughing, games and fun. As we left #8 our foster son said,"Wow, that's really beautiful."

"What?" I asked thinking maybe he was referring to a house with Christmas lights we were passing.

"Thanksgiving with Adorable Hubbies family." He sighed.

"Yes, #8 it was a beautiful day for a beautiful holiday!"

Monday, November 23, 2009

Mondays Muttered Mumblings

Hooray, Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday. It's so easy to decorate for what with the kids tracking in all the leaves that still need raked and my beloved shop-vac being broken. A housekeeping tragedy? Nope, Thanksgiving decorations.

I had to work Saturday so Adorable Hubby and I went to bed at 8:30 PM in order for him to catch up on some much needed sleep and so that I wouldn't dread being to work at 7:00AM on a Saturday. Ha, we ended up talking, cuddling, laughing, crying, until 1:30AM. I still woke up refreshed and ready for the day. I Guess spending quality time with your soul mate is as good as extra sleep.

A grateful heart leads to an abundant life.

I'm looking forward to reconnecting with friends and family over the next few weeks as the holidays bring us together.

#3 is walking, no more crutches! WooHoo, The attitude 14 year old attitude is also back in full force. Lovely!

And now a few things I'm thankful for:

Adorable Hubby, he makes me laugh, he makes me cry, he listens.

Eight Sons! I'm surrounded by love.

Friends your amazing love makes life sweet.

Pecans, cause it's pecan pie season baby.

Modern conveniences, need I say more.

I'll add a few more every day this week!

Hugs to you all happy Monday!

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Tell it like it is!

#1 picked me up from work today. Lately #1 has been really open about his feelings and wanting to talk about his life. Today he wanted to talk about his feelings for girls. He was telling me that he had discovered he is attracted to pear shaped girls, or super slender girls. "Like me?" I said jokingly, referring to the slender part.

"Hmmm, I don't know what your shape is exactly, Mom." He said thoughtfully. "Maybe Pineapple?"

OUCH #1! True, but OUCH!

Friday, November 13, 2009


Anonymous, it's a tough word to say and a tough concept to swallow. It pretty much means that you are gonna do something really personal whether nice, mean 0r tough loving, without letting the other party know who's on the other side of the personal.

I've heard that some bloggers get mean anonymous comments all the time. I've been lucky to not have any until recently.

I guess someone took offense to my post in which I referred to a women in the neighborhood as a "Retarded Puppy" Oops!

I really considered not posting that bit after I wrote it. It doesn't exactly match the benevolent, delightful, fluffy, do-gooder persona I have concocted for myself. So now you know, and Anonymous made sure that I know, I'm a rude, selfish, even hypocritical, meanie. Thanks for being willing to get personal Anonymous, you're truly a friend.

I'll go back to fluffy now!

Monday, November 9, 2009

Mondays Mutterings

Does anyone else think g-mail sounds naughty? Or am I the only one that giggles inside every time I hear it?

I have a terrible icky confession. I have mice. It makes me feel dirty just saying it. We inherited the mice with our house. I've heard that during the Great Depression hobo's would mark homes where kindness and a warm meal could be found were living in a marked house. Bet none of you knew that this economic downturn effected the rodent population, yep, I think, thanks to my crumby boys, we've got a rodent stimulus package going on right here at Boy House. Since I can't set traps for the boys I'm setting traps for the mice. You'd think that the overwhelming smell of straight chlorine bleach would be clue the little beasties in but alas they just waltz right into the traps and then I feel guilty all day. Sigh!

May I recommend coloring? Yes, coloring like you did when you were a little kid. Sunday Adorable Hubby and all 8 of our sons sat around the table coloring. Such peace and tranquility has not blessed our house for many days.

I bought a cute shirt on Saturday for, wait for it... $6.00 I love deals and I love having something new to wear.

#6 has been learning a lot in first grade. He announced tonight that he can count to 100 in high fives. Way to go #6 give me five.

My sister has been in the hospital for a week and a half fighting for her life and quality of life. She suffered a ruptured aneurysm. Her name is Laura, she and her beautiful family could use your prayers.

Hugs and love to all my bloggy friends.

Happy Monday!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Haute Cuisine

Adorable Hubby makes several meals that leave us thinking he should open a restaurant. Last night we enjoyed the best steak and everything's on the planet. At the conclusion off the meal #5 proclaimed, "Dad, you should open a restaurant called Boy Families Steak and Everything's So Good You Won't Even Know they have Peppers, Mushrooms and Onions on Them."

Uhh, wordy but it has a ring to it. I'd eat there.

Thursday, November 5, 2009


Seventeen years old? It's just not possible. My handsome #2 is seventeen today.

He is an amazing son, with a personality designed to teach me much of the beauty and weakness of my own soul, they say the ones most like you teach you the most.

All he wanted for his birthday is a really nice camera. I'm going to try to upload some of his pictures taken on his cheap cruddy little camera so you'll know why I will make whatever sacrifices necessary I need to in order to help him follow his dreams.

Sorry about the funky spacing, just can't get google to cooperate.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Mondays Muttered Mumblings on Tuesday

Halloween is over but I didn't finish decorating and cooking until November 1rst. I don't think I'll take it down until December 1rst. I'll just add some turkeys.


Why do I always tell myself I'll swear off sugar until Christmas the day after my kids have gathered 78 lbs of candy from the neighbors. I'm such a dieting tard! We all know it's never gonna happen, especially with 5 dozen left over sugar cookies with orange flavored icing.


Sugar cookies with orange flavored icing...YUMMMMMM!


Sunday morning #6 asked me to turn off the lights so he could watch his Halloween glow stick glow. "Uhhh, the lights aren't on Sweetie." I said. "I can do a lot of things but turning off the sun isn't one of them." He didn't miss a beat, " The weather man can!" he stated. Sheesh, all this time I thought weathermen were on the nerdy end of the cool-0-meter! Cool-O-meter... Weathermen, get it? Never mind.


There is a woman who goes to our church that is a single Mom with two boys. Since she moved in she has figured I was a great option for free child care since, after all, my entire life is centered around caring for boys. What difference would two more make?

Picture Kate Goslin hair, only platinum blond, skin so tanned it's freakish looking and a tube of eyeliner a day. Until recently when she added platinum hair extensions and quit wearing make-up, she kinda resembles Paris Hilton as a polygamist wife.

Any who, in September her boys attended one of our boys football games with us and her 9 year old hit number seven in the face with his bike to the tune of $350.00 in stitches. Have I heard a humble heart felt apology from this women or her son? H#*l NO!

I want to hate this woman I really do! But, her older son has been a really good friend to #3 and is really a great kid. So Halloween night I say to Older Son, "Hey, you and Little Brother are welcome to stop by for soup while you're out trick-or-treating."

Around 8:00 PM the door bell rings, on my porch is Older Son and Woman I Really Want to Hate. "Uhh...Hi? Are you trick-or-treating?" I ask.
"No, my Mom is just dropping me off" says Oldest Son.
"Uhh...Are you having soup with us then?" I ask Oldest Son.
"Well sure I guess I could stay" says Woman I Really Want to Hate.

What the...

So she stays and eats soup which she needs salt and pepper for. She spends corners and spends 15 minutes telling my good friend Kirstin all the juicy personal details about her ex-husband and the guy she's dating, and her recent car accident. To which Kirstin after nodding and making appropriate responses to this stranger says "Hi, I'm Kirstin, and you are???" It made me laugh pretty hard but Polygamist Barbie missed the sarcasm.

Later I told Adorable Hubby,"It's like trying to hate a retarded puppy!"


Hmmm, it's 11:30, #7 is still in nothing butt a t-shirt....and, this post is deteriorating rapidly so... I'm off to eat the rest of the sugar cookies so I can swear off sugar.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Check Mate

I consider myself fairly intelligent and quick witted. My sons are all to quick to knock me down a peg or two lest I should get too carried away in my own cleverness.

For instance, the other afternoon after a particularly trying day with #7 my 5 year old, I asked him in tones dripping with exasperation, "#7, why did you do that?"

He thought, he pursed his lips, he wrinkled his forehead, he screwed up his face and thought really hard, then his face relaxed and brightened as he answered confidently, "Because I'm a kid!"

Ummm, touche, checkmate and all that #7! You ARE one AMAZING kid!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Summing It Up

I assigned #4 a rewrite of his book report on Where the Red Fern Grows. This is what how he summed up his feelings about the book.

"I liked the book because it was an adventure that any man would think was important and the experience would be extraordinary."

I read it several times, I tried to find it on line, it seems too deep a comment for a 12 year old who complained for several hours about writing the book report. I had forgotten that book reports are splinters under fingernails type torture to a 12 year old.

A flood of Red Fern Grows memories washed over me and I could feel the exquisite joy of laying my cheek, flushed from lunch recess exertions, on the cool surface of my desk top as Mr. Beach or was it Miss Hunt's voice unfolded this profound story of a boys journey to manhood in the Ozark mountains. I remembered sitting on the floor in the gym when Wilson Ralws came to autograph copies of his books and inspire us all to grow up to be writers.

Adorable Hubby was so in love with this story that he wore overalls through high school and earned enough money to buy, with his two best friends, three red bone coon hounds. It was my willingness to help him clean out the kennel that won me his love, so in a way I owe my relationship with Adorable Hubby to Where the Red Fern Grows.

Way to sum it all up #4!

#4 is known around here for his profoundly deep thoughts, his adorable giggle, and his sense of extraordinary adventure .

Monday, October 26, 2009


All through the week as I go about my fascinating and exciting life I think of hilarious or touching things to blog. Then I find myself with a rare beautiful moment of computer time and can't think of a blamed one of them to actually post.

Remember in lion king when Zazu says to Scar, "Yes, well as slippery as your mind is." I think my mind is slippery, any great thoughts slip away before they can grace the world with utterance.

So here are some really random and not great thoughts in no particular order.

I just listened to Sting,
Fields of Gold for the fifth time. Good song! And, Sting = HOT!

Paula Cole has a new album out. Really like Paula Cole and her new album. I'm sure she's thrilled to know I approve of her.

Wouldn't it be great if we could just act on our feelings with out fear or self-doubt. Well, there might be a poor unsuspecting person or two that would die of shock if I acted on some of my feelings. But still...

Did I mention I work with Doctor's. I was thinking... wouldn't it be great if we could read they're amazingly advanced beyond ours brains. It would save them so much grief trying to communicate with us underlings. Plus we might be able to decipher their writing.

My #3 is taking his broken femur like a real trooper. He calls himself a cripple or handicapped and expects privileges. Double samples at Costco, parking passes, no chores, he's even planning on extra Trick-or-Treat candy.
It's getting really old!

Yesterday was the Primary Program (church service presented by the 11 years and under crowd). Ohh the sweetness of children singing and sharing their feelings for their families, Father in heaven and the Savior. I cried the whole time! Way to go Primary Kids! Way to go leaders!

Why are Peanut Butter Bars so freaking delicious ?

I don't believe I'll be wearing that cute little clearance dress, in oranges and browns with just a touch of purple, along with a cute pair of legging's for Halloween. I was so sure I would lose the 10 or 50 little pounds that would make it look adorable. Stupid peanut butter bars!

Of all the things that could really bug me about people the thing that really gets me is (this is so dumb) the way they walk. If someone walks weird or worse, runs oddly, it drives me crazy. And now I need to go video myself walking and running...just in case.

My 5 year old said balls and/or penis in church yesterday, then he ran outside and hid for 15 or so minutes scaring Adorable Hubby pretty badly. Duct tape or soap, soap or duct tap, decisions, decisions. Discipline, parenting would be cake if we didn't have to discipline.

The other day I was at the swimming pool with #3, the water is great broken leg therapy. As we sat just inside the roped off kiddie area a little red head girl swam up, ducked under the rope, emerged dramatically from the water, shook back her hair and said, "Hi, my name is Jane but you should call me Ariel because that's who I'm pretending to be. I just love Ariel, I love everything about her, I think it's because I have red hair and beautiful blue eyes just like her!" She looked around as though surveying her kingdom, turned back to us threw out her arms and declared, "The swimming pool is my real world!" #3 turned to me, straight faced, cocked an eye brow and said, "Now, there's a girl who knows what she wants." A girl who knows what she wants? Rare indeed #3, rare indeed.

OK, I'm done!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Backwards sdrawkcaB

Last week #6, my struggling to read first grader, came home from church with a picture he'd drawn. At the top was a sticker picture of Jesus, next to it he had written,

sezej evol nac I.

My Mom is his primary teacher she called not to long after church ended and told me that #6 was backwards/mirror writing. She wasn't sure if it was the angle he was sitting at while copying off the chalk board or if it indicated something more serious. My Mom was a certified teacher until she up and quit to have eleven children. Years of working with eleven children many of whom had some learning challenges, like backwards writing, has made her quick to notice children who struggle and imbued her with a passionate desire to help.

Currently she tutors at the Missionary Training Center. There 19 year old boys training to serve full time missions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints fill out papers indicating that they struggle with reading. The boys(I know, I know they aren't boys they think they're men) are evaluated and assigned a tutor to work with them for the three or so weeks of their stay.

When my Mom gets one of these boys assigned to her the first task is to let him know that it's OK that he can't read well. This is difficult. After years of schooling which rewards and labels students as GOOD if they pick up easily on certain skills and has little or no help and plenty of labels for those that don't, these boys are hurt, feel unworthy of love and hopeless.

My Mom loves them, she teaches them that it's not their fault that the teachers didn't have the skills or knowledge to teach them in the way they learn and too give them the foundation and fundamentals so that reading makes sense. She bears testimony that God can teach them in exactly the way they learn and that He always lays a foundation of fundamentals that will help us clearly read His will for us.

No matter how many people tell me that believing in Jesus Christ is crazy or backwards, No matter how backwards my life may be at times.

!em sevol suseJ wonk I dna suseJ evol nac I wonk I

Thanks Mom for your example and your love.

Friday, October 16, 2009

What The... Party Animal

The boys are out of school for fall break yesterday and today. Adorable Hubby is out of town on a business trip. My friend Suz and I had taken this weekend off work so that we could pack up the kids and head down to our favorite vacation destination for some hiking and waterfall swimming. Then, #3 broke his leg.

What do you do with 11 boys, one little girl, two crazy moms and a wheelchair?

Yesterday we left the kids playing and went to Target. Just the Moms, we tried on hats and sunglasses, we giggled, we bought rugs? I don't know why we bought rugs...oh yeah, I had a bridal shower to go to, and they were cute and cheap.

Back at Boy House we sat in the car listening to music and slapping little hands trying to steal our Salt and Vinegar chips. We thought about a big sleepover and made pumpkin cookies. A big sleepover was ruled out but Suz awesomely decided to take my three youngest to her house for a mini-sleepover. Dang, my three little bed buddies gone and no Adorable Hubby to celebrate with.

OK, lets be honest, around Boy House time alone with the TV on something but video games, Disney Channel (don't get me started on Disney Channel) or football is a Boy Mom PARTY, especially if cookies are involved.

I ran to the bridal shower said my hellos and good-byes and was headed to the store for something salty to go with my Pumpkin Butterscotch Pecan cookies when a friend I haven't visited with forever stopped me for an hour visit, hooray! Two girl friend in one day, don't know if I can handle the estrogen, it was so good to see her and visit. Love me some girlfriend time!

It was getting late so I headed home without stopping at the store, got #3 and #4 and #8 some dinner tucked #3 and his broken femur into bed sent #4 over to play with a friend till eleven, ran some cookies over to a friend, not safe to have too many Pumpkin Butterscotch Pecan cookies laying around, then settled down remote in MY hand for some late night TV.

What the... the first commercial was for some company called LIBERATOR Medical Supplies, they sell catheter supplies for use at home. If you qualify you may never have to re-use a catheter again. Gaakwhattheickouch!

Catheter Supplies? For use at home? Advertised during such a rare experience as Boy Mom TV time??? That is seriously NOT RIGHT! (even if I hadn't just suffered through a really bad catheter experience with #3 and the broken leg).

LIBERATOR is the name of the company??? Folks if you have to use a catheter at home...you are not free/liberated, whatever. Shudder!

I changed channels, ate a few more pumpkin cookies, House was starting. Love me some House!

It was an intense episode Dr. House and a cleverly random group of patients and medical personnel were being held hostage by a Sick Man determined to get a diagnosis, he just "Had to know". Tensions were high the swat team was just outside Cuddy's office. The sick man was forcing them to give any medications to an innocent hostage first, conveniently there were two doses of everything. Medical personnel were selflessly, cause we all know how selfless medical personnel are, volunteering in place of the innocent patient/hostages. Well, actually they were selflessly volunteering for, hinted at, ulterior motives sure to be explored in future episodes, but still. Eventually, Sick Man Who "Had To Know", gave away some hostages in order to secure a trip to radiology where the amazing Dr. House, who mysteriously knew how to run a CT scanner, (I work with doctors and CT Techs, trust me, a doctor who knows how to work the equipment is truly amazing), convinced Sick Man to give up his gun for an accurate scan but, alas, found NO TUMOR. Sick Man dropped his head in discouragement. A random hostage and medical personnel, who had stayed to see the outcome of the CT scan, gave the camera a dramatic look, House handed Sick Man back the gun...

What the... I woke up to an episode of NCIS or something. Dang git! Now I'll never know if House was able to figure out the diagnosis or if Sick Man shot him and ended the season.

Give me some time for me and I'm such a party animal!

Monday, October 12, 2009

Laugh If You Must

So, once a good friend of mine told me that her truest career dream was to be a prosecuting attorney.

Because I'm super supportive and sensitive to other peoples dreams and aspirations I did the most supportive thing a true friend could do. I laughed. I'm such an @$$ sometimes. I still feel really bad about it.

I think she's forgiven me because she's a really great person just with a crappy friend. Sorry again, Mandi!

Anyways, since that moment of "shining friendship" on my part I've thought a lot about what I really would like to be when I grow up. And now, here, for the first time, in front of all my really sensitive bloggy friends I offer the deepest career dream of my heart.

I want to be a Jazz Singer. How amazing would it be to wrap my sexy, slinky body around a microphone stand and huskily croon low sultry blues, occasionally reaching for the perfectly pitched high note, to old men in wool fedoras smelling of tobacco and stale booze.

Forget for a moment that even before seven pregnancies and seven billion extra calories slinky was never an adjective used to describe my body and that I can't exactly sing. I really love this vision of myself.

Go ahead LAUGH! I deserve it.

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Under Where?

As I was getting #7 dressed this AM we had this conversation about playing at his cousin Kenneth's house.

#7: Mom yesterday when I was at Kenneth's house he let me borrow a pair of his underwear.

Boy Mom: Why did he let you borrow his underwear? My Boy Mom radar begins flashing.

#7: Eecause he's my bestest friend in the whole world! He spreads his arms wide to illustrate his point.

Boy Mom: No, I mean why did you need to borrow HIS underwear? Since I can't get him to wear his OWN underwear I was mighty curious.

#7: Eecause I didn't have any on. Surprise!

Boy Mom: Where were your underwear? I do make him put them on every morning just for fun.

#7: My underwear were home on the bathroom floor. Surprise! I'm just waiting for a call from the school saying he left them on the bathroom floor there.

Boy Mom: Did you have pants on? What? It's a legitimate question with this one.

#7: Yes! Accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll.

Boy Mom: Then why did you need to borrow Kenneth's underwear?

#7: Eecause #6 and me and Kenneth wanted to be NAKED Ma... Ohh, I mean UNDERWEAR MAN!!!

Boy Mom: WHAT???

#7: You don't get it Mom. No, despite years of boys and their super hero alter egos, No I don't get it!

Boy Mom: I won't let you play at Kenneth's house if you are going to play Naked Man or Underwear Man!

#7: OK ! We'll play it here! Major eye rolling!

Boy Mom: That's not what I mean...

I quit, obviously I'd lost control of the conversation. I thought parenting was supposed to be easier with the last one.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Holy Shit Magnet Batman!

Through out our marriage Adorable Hubby and I have had a few friends we lovingly referred to as, "Shit magnets". You probably know one or two of these people who just seem to attract bad stuff.

After spending all of September with the piggy flu, stitches for #7 two weeks ago and then on the last day of the month a shattered femur for #3...I'm suspicious that we're 'those' friends.

#3 is on the mend and wants to attend his teams football game tomorrow night. I survived watching #4's football game tonight, only bursting into tears when a player from the other team stayed down holding his thigh. Is it mean that I cried harder when he walked off the field between his coaches?

Thanks again for your prayers in our behalf.

It's safety week at our elementary school. #7 came home with a green ribbon around his wrist to remind him about all the safety tips he's learning. When #6 asked #7 what his green ribbon was for #7 replied, "It's for Safety Week."

What's Safety Week about?" Asked #6.

"It's to teach us not to get killed and stuff." #7 replied.

I think you're on to something #7!

I'm getting a green ribbon for everyone in the family. Let's hope it will reverse the magnetic polarity we've got going.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

I'm Back...Hack,Cough, Wheeze, Kind Of

On August 31 #2 came home from football practice collapsed on the couch for a couple of hours then woke up with a 103 degree fever and congestion from hell, sorry no other word works.

The next day I recognized the tattle tale announcement call from the High School. Only it wasn't telling me #2 had missed classes that day. Instead, it was an announcement that there were several documented cases of H1N1 flu (Swine Flu) at the High School. Really.

So for a month now various members of Boy family have dropped like flies.

On the 15th at 9:45 PM I was celebrating a day well multi-tasked, not a frequent occurrence in my life. I was just finishing up the dishes when things started disappearing, like my ability to not cough every 3 seconds, and my comfortable 98.7 body temp. Eventually I lost my sense of smell, my household maintenance skills, my voice, bladder control, the ability to breathe without pain, and control of all the little messers that live 'round these parts. For a couple days there I just freakin' wanted to die.

Things are slowly coming back, bladder control had better hurry it up, 98.7 is back, I can breath without much pain if I keep it shallow, I cleaned the kitchen Sunday. And, to the chagrin of the messers, my sense of YELL is back.

Thanks for your prayers and thoughts! And, get your Piggy flu shot, you don't want this bad boy.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Hacking and Burning

Quick, clap your hand over your mouth and nose. Now, back slowly away from the computer screen. With your other hand grab antibacterial wipes, Lysol or straight undiluted bleach will do. Wipe down that monitor, mouse and keyboard, wipe out your eyeballs, wipe those germy thoughts out of your heads. ''Cause folks, you don't even want to chance getting what Boy House has got.

I miss y'all back soon!

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Never Fails

If you wake up and put on a grungy old t-shirt and sweats, go for a run, come home really stinky and do a little yard work, mud and grass stains, then the dishes, wet belly, and If your hair is really awful and you opt out of putting your shoes back on before dropping your youngest off at kindergarten.


You'll have to pry him out of the car, carry him in past all the cute little mommies and daddies kissing their first little child good-bye while your stubborn baby of the family repeats over and over, "I'm SO not going to kindergarten today!" at the top of his lungs.

Then you'll have to sit, looking suspiciously like a homeless person, for 10 minutes at the door by the, "Quick good-byes leave dry eyes!" sign so he doesn't run out and head for home, again.

Never fails!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Boo Hoo

I was thrilled to get #1 into kindergarten.

Not so much #7.

He's my baby! How can my baby be ready for kindergarten? OK! Ready may not be the best word here. When his teacher asked what letters he recognized he pointed at capital I and said, "Bicycle pump". So that makes the sum total of his kindergarten letter readiness, A, X, O and Bicycle Pump. Sigh

I'm celebrating that I only had to put his underwear back on him twice before holding his little, sweaty hand all the way to school. And, no I didn't check to see if he still had underware on when he got home. I figure, what happens at kindergarten stays at kindergarten.

When your baby goes to kindergarten are you officially old?

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Toothsome Tuesday

Saturday night for dinner we ate corn dogs, watermelon, and corn on the cob.

We weren't at a carnival or a fair.

No children were involved in the meal planning.

I'm a little scared of what this means for the rest of our meals this summer.

I looked good serving my menfolk their dog-ka-bobs. (See actual photo below)

Is it just me or has your summer menu gone white trashy too?

Saturday, August 22, 2009

What the...

I mentioned that in a house hold of three teenage drivers I get little drive time. I also mentioned that my well loved burgundy-red Suburban is no longer my own. It reeks of sweaty sports gear, and boy cologne, where I once kept car activities, diaper wipes and socks so my fellow shoppers didn't think I was one of, "Those Moms" there are now multiple sticks of deodorant, toothbrushes and homework assignments due last May. My CD collection has mysteriously disappeared and the replacement CD's are played at volumes measured in megahertz not decibels. Worst is the gas tank, it hasn't been full for two years now.

I cleaned it all out a few weeks ago, filled the tank, restored the diaper wipe stash and headed out of town with my three little boys for a summer get-away. The red-gold setting sun lit our way, the windows were down letting in the evening air, my tunes were playing, the little ones singing along. I congratulated myself on reclaiming my vehicle so efficiently.

A few miles down the road I reached beneath the seat for my bottle of Figi water and felt something unfamiliar, a handle?

I grasped and pulled it out. Instantly, like a twist in a bad horror movie, I'm driving down one of the countries most conservative, safe stretches of I15, evening breezes in my hair, little ones singing, the setting sun glinting off the blade of the 12 inch hunting knife gripped, psycho killer style, in my suburban, soccer mom fist.

What the... and I just may have used the last word of that phrase.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009


Oxymoron is a great word!

It can either mean this :


a figure of speech by which a locution produces an incongruous, seemingly self-contradictory effect, as in “cruel kindness” or “to make haste slowly.” (I like the more modern incongruity coined by Arnold Schwarzenegger, "girlyman")


1650–60; presumed GR >oxymorum oxýmōron, neut. of oxýmōros sharp-dull, equiv. to oxý(s) sharp (see oxy ) + mōrós dull (see moron )

Or it could be this:


a cream indicated for use in controlling acne and/or stupidity.

2009; presumed GRaveyard shift 3:39AM oxy zit cream (see benzoyl peroxide) + moron your stupidity should be medicated (see grrrr)

Redefining words, one of many reasons I should not work graveyard shifts.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Faking It

I rounded up my three little boys and some neighbor kids for a trip to the park the other day. While waiting for them all to find shoes and get in the car I began to smell something like hot food wafting through my car.

I was ready to get out and check if the engine was over heating, because I'm mechanical and stuff, when I heard this conversation.

#6: What is that?

Chubby Neighbor kid: A Hot Pocket

#6: Is it good?

Chubby Neighbor Kid: It's artificial.

#6: Artificial?

Chubby Neighbor Kid: Artificial, it means fake, it's not real food.

#6: So what do you do with it?

Chubby Neighbor Kid: You eat it.

#6: But you just said it's not real food!

Chubby Neighbor Kid: Wellll...Parts of it are real, like the broccoli.

#6: What parts are fake?

Chubby Neighbor Kid: Well, the meat is really fake and the crust is kind of real and kind of fake, but, the cheese is all artificial.

#6: Umm, so if it's artificial why do you eat it?

Chubby Neighbor Kid: Because it's SO GOOD!

Story of my life Chubby Neighbor Kid, story of my life.

Thursday, August 13, 2009

What You Give A Girl With Everything

I celebrated a birthday this week, that means presents. Hooray! Yeah! I'm such a material girl.

I love great gifts the kind that deepen or define a relationship! Unfortunately, I stink at thinking up great, creative presents for people. Sad really because, lucky me, I was spoiled by many people who came up with creative, thoughtful gifts, it's like you know me.

My sister Jenny gave me a tank top, that says,"I feel a sin coming on!" Yes folks, I have a naughty tank tops collection, mostly thanks to Jenny. I don't exactly have a tank top body so I mainly wear my naughty tank tops under other shirts. Church meetings just fly by when you know that under your prim little blouse is a bright orange Hooters tank top.

My sweet neighbors brought over stinky soap. My boys just love the pump bottles of scented hand soap, AKA stinky soap. I don't buy them because my bathrooms have enough little messes with out my young'uns washing their hands 60 times a day. Thanks Cal and June, My boys are in hand washing heaven and my bathroom will smell like watermelon for a few days instead of, well... nuff said.

My sister Mary Ann and her cute husband Ben gave me a soup tureen. I'm suspicoius that it was a gift from their wedding three years ago, something about the way Ben said, "Here, it's your problem now!" When he handed me the oversized box. Mary Ann had noticed that I already had a matching platter so... I'll look forward to serving soup in style this Autumn (And, yes, I'll take any chance I get to use the word Autumn).

My Adorable Hubby comes from good stock (no we're not still talking soup). His Grandpa is 92 and utterly adorable. Grandpa sent me a card that said, "Granddaughter, you're cool and I'm cool. Guess that proves the coolness gene is hit or miss in our family" How hip a card is that for a nintey-two year old? Ohh Yeah! I'm the favorite and coolest granddaughter-in-law. Also the humblest.

My sweet visiting teacher gave me tickets to go see her daughter in a production of Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dream Coat. Adorable Hubby and I went tonight. Fabulous!

Target gift card and Salt-and-Vinegar chips! Thanks Bailey clan, you may know me too well.

My awesome friends Mandi and Paul gave me the gift of NOT baking me one of her really great batches of treats. Instead they brought over popcorn, yum, and a CD of songs and comedy, which I loved. Alot. Paul.

My friends Matt and Kirstin came over for dinner Sunday and managed to decorate a cake in my basement, with my decorating tips, which I got out and handed too them without ever figuring out what they were doing. Either Kirstin is the best liar ever, or I'm oblivious to the obvious, whatever! It was fun to have all my boys and their family in on the surprise and the Happy Birthday singing that accompanied the cake.

Last my friend Suzie had a delicious omlette and toast waiting for me when I got to work Monday morning then posted a blog shout-out so that my blogging friends got to wish me a happy day!

I'm so blessed to have friends and family that care enough to give the very best, and what you give has nothing to do with presents, it's your love and friendship everyday that I treasure, eat your heart out Hallmark! Because I have each of you in my life I truely am the girl with everthing.

Other great gifts, lest anyone should feel left out.
Mummy McTavish- Birthday wishes and hilarious comments for a year now.
Mr. Nurse Boy- It was chocolate cake, thanks.
Mrs Nurse Boy- Coments and best wishes from my fellow vaccume lovin' blog sista.
Relief Society- Hot Pads Very Nice!
Sister-in-law- Pedicure Ahh the joys of getting ones tootsies rubbed.
Adorable Hubby- This is a G-rated blog, I'll say no more.
Grandma B- card, $2.oo. Money, sweet. Getting something besides bills in the mail, priceless!
Mom- Well there's that whole life thing. Then, rent as we've gone through the past tough months. And... time to stop before I cry.
Mom and Dad Smith- Must. Stop. Crying.

Love ya all!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

You So Smaat

At boy house we often speak in really bad oriental accents, I know, I shouldn't publish dark family secrets over the internet, but it will help this post be slightly less lame if you read parts of it in a bad oriental accent.

So, I've mentioned that my 18 year old now refers to Adorable Hubby and I by first name. He pretty much has life figured out and expects to be treated as an uber smart all grown-uppy type. This delightsome behavior is accompanied by little teaching moments in which number one expounds his vast accumulation of life's wisdom and know-how.

Take Sunday for example, we were having number 1's favorite meal, really bad oriental food. Suddenly my rice cooking skills were called into question with Number 1 insisting on showing me how to cook long grain rice in the rice cooker.

Crunchy rice was enjoyed by all. Lovely.

To his credit Number 1 came up to me Monday and apologized for the rice failure, "Mom, sorry about the long grain rice I should have listened to you about more water." He can be so sweet when he's humble.

He continued, "I think I figured it out." He mused wisely, "I always cook short grain rice in the rice cooker, apparently long grain rice requires more water... because it's longer."

Here's where reading with the really bad accent applies. " Ohhh, you so smaat Numba one teenage son"

Monday, August 10, 2009


Sunday AM I awoke early and knew I wasn't going to get back to sleep. So, I did the most logical, Sunday morning sensible thing I could think of, I got on the computer and read blogs. "Such organized genius you sigh." I know you're all thinking , "This is why she is so calm, cool and collected when she arrives 30 minutes early for 9:00AM church with those handsome, well groomed sons of hers."

Alas, I must burst the awe bubble. It's all Adorable Hubby.

At 8:05 a nude, slightly wet, but perfectly quaffed number 6 came quietly down the stairs and stood shivering by me. "Ah, did Daddy shower you and comb your hair?" I asked pulling his shivering body against my fuzzy bathrobe for a hug.

"Yes, and he says you should get me dressed." He mumbled, from the depths of warm fuzz.

Holding hands we walked upstairs, I turned the corner and saw a sight that warms the cockles of every church going woman's heart.

A freshly showered Daddy, sitting on the down toilet seat, carefully combing the hair of his freshly showered, towel wrapped son.

I'm a big boob, and pre-menstrual this week, but I cried and thought of good fathers everywhere.

Too my friend Matt who's Daddy passed away Saturday, hugs and prayers are with you.

May the Great Daddy of us all help us to forgive the inadequacies, delight in the efforts and see His nature in Dads everywhere.

Saturday, August 8, 2009


Today when I got to work there were only two cases in the ER, one with confusion and one with constipation.

I am often confused.

Occasionally I get a bit constipated.

Praise all that is holy, neither one has ever sent me to the emergency room.

That is all.

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Teen Dreams

Let me start from the beginning.

I was a girly girl, mostly. I learned to cook, I tried to learn to sew, I was a sought after babysitter, and dreamed of being surrounded by admiring teenage boys.

True, I threw the discus and shot-putt, mowed lawns for my landscaper Dad, knew my bench press and squat max weights and could throw a softball to home plate from center field. But, my picture of life in the future involved teaching my daughters to be confidant, flirty and surrounded by teenage boys, everything I wasn't.

When #1 was born, followed closely by #'s 2- 4, I was taken in by their chubby, drooling babyness and didn't recognize them as potential teenager boys. As they grew, I found their funny boy ways, peeing outside and assembling rock and stick collections in their bedrooms, cute, and adorable.

The pre-teen years were full of scouts and reptiles, backyard inventions and neighborhood skirmishes. Once again I failed to recognize that all my girly dreams involving gaggles of gangling teen boys were growing up right under my nose. I was too caught up in being the cool mom who would fish a Black Widow Spider out of the pool so my sons bug collection would be completely awesome.

Even when #1 and #2 turned ages that ended in 'teen', it didn't occur to me that this was the nightmare version of my adolescent dreams.

It wasn't until my vacation last week that the full realization hit me. Every aspect of my life has has been completely taken over by TEENAGE BOYS, my dreams have come true.

What the... was I dreaming

Allow me to elaborate.

I'm a good driver. I enjoy driving. I have three teenage drivers. I don't drive anymore! Anywhere!

I hate laundry. My teenagers play football, run cross country, participate in choir and ballroom dance, play baseball, and, I think, roll around in mud mixed from sweat and pig manure. These activities create loads and loads and loads of dirty stinky laundry.

Each night, in those early years, I would set the table complete with two forks and salad plates and serve lovingly prepared meals for Adorable Hubby and I in cute little serving dishes. Our darling little leftovers were placed in precious little three compartment containers with lids and matching plastic ware for our lunches the next day. Fast forward 20 years. Nothing cute about it. Quantity not quality is our motto! Leftovers? Should we be lucky enough to end up with leftovers, Adorable Hubby and I would have to dive into the fray with claws extended and fangs slashing to get a portion for our lunch.

Life can be smelly. Babies can be smelly. Teenagers. Are. Smelly! I went to my thirteen year old's concert at the Jr. High this past spring. Foolishly I managed to get separated from Adorable Hubby. Seeing a group of kids from church and the neighborhood who would recognize Adorable Hubby, I made my way to the middle of the group to ask if they had seen him, I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to pose my question but never asked it, the smell of nervous teenagers filled my nostrils and I was forced to run gagging, eyes streaming to fresh air. Adorable Hubby walked home.

And, speaking of smells, did you know there is a dangling tree car freshener scent called Black Ice? It reeks of teenage boy cologne.

And, speaking of smells, did you know that teenage boy deodorant is over four dollars a can and needs to be used with a five dollar bottle of teenage boy body-wash to achieve maximum olfactory acceptability. And, that a freshly body-washed, deodorized, teenage boy will then spray enough 15 dollar a bottle cologne over himself to fill a stadium with the overwhelming aroma of teenage manliness and that you may have to get in the Black Ice scented car with that teenager and be driven somewhere by him.

And, speaking of smells, did you know that teenage girls actually seem to like a teenage boys scent to leave watering eyes and stuffy sinuses lingering in a room long after he has gone.

Teenage laddies are very proud of their developing musculature; and, what better than a pro-wrestling exhibition in the living room to showcase their burgeoning biceps. Adorable Hubbys' yells to "TAKE IT OUTSIDE THE HOUSE IS LOSING," are drowned out by the brawling, drunken, fans also known as, little brothers.

Teenage boys like it LOUD, you'd think after all the times I've had to turn off the car and go back in to change my panties that I'd have learned. No, Each time I get in, turn on the car, and, just as I turn my head for the backing maneuver, get blasted by some eighties rock group cranked so loud only dogs can hear the high notes, causing my heart to stop and my bladder to contract just as shock renders my sphincter useless. Egads! More freaking laundry.

Add to these counseling sessions, cracking voices, attitudes, skid marks, circadian rhythms, size 12 shoes, broken hearts, and an eighteen year old addressing me by my first name accompanied by an eye roll.

What the... was I dreaming indeed.

Of course there is, sitting between two strapping, handsome, young men at a chick flick. And bear hugs. And, let me get that for you Mom, moments. And, "You look hot in that Mom." Or coming home to a clean kitchen and happy little ones which tends to make it all dreamy again.

Tuesday, July 28, 2009


Tonight was pack meeting, yes after a short hiatus I have returned to my roll as den mother. And, as of tonight, have a Bob Cat, soon to be Wolf scout.

One of the activities at Pack Meeting was a relay which included crab walking. Remember crab walking? Where you sit down push up with your hands and feet and walk, belly up, on all fours, you know, like a crab!

I remembered Crab kickball from second grade but wasn't sure if I could still lift my butt off the floor or move in that position. I wasn't willing to give it a try with the dads, I was the only Mom there besides the scout leader. But the minute I got home, you know it baby, I was down on the floor checking out my crab walking skills.

Dang! I could have won that relay!

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Inspired By You,Wednesday Which, It Turns Out, Would Have Been A Really Great Toothesome Tuesday

The lack of spell checker on the title line really irks. I almost posted the title as Insired By You... Which sounds like a freaky, incestuous, cattle breeding program which may or may not end up being discussed in our next Sunday School Class .

Dear Blogger,

Really need spell check on the title line, really!


Boy Mom

So, I mentioned that I won a give away from Shelf Reliance through Mormon Mommy Blogs . Yes, I'll love the muffins but, what I totally lust after is some of these.

Oh baby! I think I could love this product almost as much as my beloved Rival Shop Vac .

After discovering myself a winner last Sunday, I emailed Mormon Mommy blogs with my mailing info. Monday when I woke up my computer was fried. Dead. Will not turn on. Nice!

Sadly, my first thought was, "I hope the email went through before it crashed, I want those muffins!"

This morning, guess what was carried down to me by a very excited #6 and #7? Yeah baby! A big ol' box with my prize.

Call me shallow, or severely technologically unappreciative, but, it almost makes up for the computer crash.

Thanks Shelf Reliance! Hurry over to Mormon Mommy Blogs and get enrolled, they have really great giveaway's all the time.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Mondays Muttered Mumblings

Little mistakes I've made this weekend.

First, I planned a family vacation in front of my kidlets. All I've heard since is...

"When are we going on vacation?"


"What day is Friday?"

"Wha... how do you answer,Umm, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday!!" I count on my fingers.

"Ohh. So when is that?"


"Can I take my suitcase?"


"I'll go get it out and put my toys in it!"

"NO! Mommy will pack your suitcase on Thursday!"

"When is Thursday?"


Then, I told #7 that his birthday was this month.

"When is my Party?"

"Two weeks."

"How long is two weeks?"

"Well, first we'll go on vacation then..."

"When are we going on vacation?"

"Fri...Oh no! You're not dragging me back in to that conversation you're just trying to make Mom crazy!"

"Whahhh! Fine, you're not coming to my birthday party!" He runs off in tears!


Finally, I let Adorable Hubby convince me to ask a question at Home Depot. What was I thinking?

(Yes, I get that the acronyms for Adorable Hubby and Boy Mom are naughty and funny and kind of go together all at the same time...just like us, ha!)

AH: I'm going back to get some screen, ask someone where the DVD Player cleaner discs are.

BM: Don't we need to go to an electronic store for DVD Player Cleaner discs? I asked suspiciously.

AH: This is Home Depot! They have everything a MAN needs! (he grunted a little)

I wandered through the outdoor greenhouse section then walked in the front doors. Three male employees stood just inside the door.

Having quickly surveyed my man help options I passed, Old MAN Who Can Fix Anything and Big Burly 'All MAN Baby' MAN. I was headed for Bleached Blonde Too Pretty To Work Here MAN, as I passed him, Big Burly 'All MAN Baby' MAN said, "Hi there" in his best helpful, hunky MAN voice. Yikes!

"Do you have cleaner disks for DVD players?" I asked, Bleached Blonde Too Pretty To Work Here MAN, noticing, too late, that his badge said "Training".

"Ummm, I don't think so... Hey, Big Burly 'All Man Baby' MAN, do we have DVD cleaner discs?" He calls, fluttering his hand apologetically at his "Training" badge.

"Why no Darlin' " He winks at me, "I don't believe we've ever carried those!" Big Burly 'All Man Baby' MAN rumbles back. "Hey Old MAN Who Can Fix Anything, you ever seen DVD cleaner discs in here?"

"NO!" Says Old MAN Who Can Fix Anything rolling his eyes misogynistically.

I put on my best dumb wife who let her husband talk her into asking questions at a MAN store face, oh wait, I already had it on. "I told him we should go to an electronics store." I muttered lamely.

"Don't feel bad!" Said Bleached Blond Too Pretty To Work Here MAN sympathetically. "This is a MAN store we should totally have those DVD cleaner thingies!" (We're going to lunch and shopping later this week with his first and last Home Depot paycheck;))

So I made a few mistakes this week. I also won a totally cool give away from Mormon Mommy Blogs and Shelf Reliance. Raspberry Muffins fix any mistake, right?

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Inspired By You Wednesdays

Today I'm inspired by Deb over at Folksy Musings !

As I've mentioned before, I get these crushes on people, OK, things, foods, shows and even concepts are not immune to my crushes. I've been crushing on Deb for a while now. Her timely reviews of reality TV make me feel so "Hip" and "In the know, despite not getting my trashy reality fix often enough.

Deb offers deep and insightful reviews of newsworthy events, like Michael Jackson's funeral, and her adorable sons Android, wait, that's Adenoid surgery .

Best of all Deb reviews the best As Seen on television products, that tube of Mighty Putty you're all getting for Christmas this year, you can thank Deb.

Yes the antics of Princess and Dexy are cute and the exploits Sven Debs, George Clooney double, husband are precious but my favorite are the exposes', rest stop toilets in Arkansas with au naturel plumbing , how could I have seen that one coming? Thanks Deb. I'll re-think that Arkansas vacation I've been planning.

There you have it bloggy friends, my latest bloggy crush. Thanks for all the laughs Deb. Heckling a movie with you is #11 on my "Bucket List".

Monday, July 6, 2009

Mondays Muttered Mumblings

Wow! Do I have Smokin' Hot contests or What?

Here is the typical response, "Uhh, I'm not even going to try to guess your birth order."

OK, fine, that leaves me with a tie between Suey for getting the first and last right and Mummy McTavish for guessing that I look about 21 years old. And, the winner is, based on carefully unbiased calculations that have absolutely nothing to do with Suey living down the block and Mummy McTavish living in Australia which doesn't celebrate a red white and blue star themed holiday, drum roll please. Suey You won! You lucky girl! Adorable Hubby will be so thrilled that the stars are leaving their spot of honor on the hearth and heading down the street to clutter your abode. You even get to pick the paint color. Or Lucky you! You can paint them yourself!

There, now let's get some muttered mumblings going. My woeful tale begins Wednesday night or early Thursday morning, if you care about those things. To me, night is night and I should be sleeping not being woke up by Adorable Hubby informing me that #5 and #7 are puking everywhere.

"And I should wake up and deal with this why? " I wondered groggily, until I remembered our husband/wife deal. I deal with all bodily fluids and he deals with...NOTHING! I jest, mostly, he'll wipe a snotty nose with his bare hands so were even, almost.

I wadded up the bedding full of bean burritos, which we will not be eating for a very long time, puke, and tossed it in the laundry room, scraped the worst chunks off the carpet, gathered puke buckets and towels then cuddled two retching boys the rest of the night. Just a little kiddie tummy bug, I thought. Grown-ups never get those, I thought.

Next morning all seemed well, carpets were scrubbed bedding washed, the two boys slept all day queasy but no eruptions. Thursday night no problems.

Friday night #8 came home from work early feeling queasy and light headed, running a fever. "You'll be over it by morning," I promised him with a hug.

Later Friday night I picked up #5 and #7 from a cousins sleepover. I had planned to pick up #7, I still need my baby home at night, and #5 came home with a tummy ache. He walked in the door ran to the bathroom and 'almost' puked in the toilet. "I feel better now Mom. Can I go back to the sleep over?''

"No, and don't even start whining because the answer is..." #7 puked all over my feet. What the...

I cleaned my feet. I Cleaned #7. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the kitchen floor. I lined their beds with towels. I tried to fall to sleep. I ended up holding a retching #7 all night. I'll be OK, I hoped.

July Forth, Adorable Hubby wakes up snarling and grumpy! # 1 and # 2 leave for work, an hour later #1 comes home, Puking and Pooping. I sit in the shade at the family reunion gazing at the hamburger and salads on my plate, yucky. Adorable Hubby eats and heads home for a nap. We laugh we party, we visit, we spread germy love through the family.

At 4:00 Adorable Hubby leaves with the brothers and Brothers-in-law for a Frisbee golf tournament. I walk across the street to my cool family room. My tummy is not happy!

At 5:30 Adorable Hubby walks into the house, says he's fighting the pukes and lays down. I blog and listen to some amazing sounds coming from my belly. At 6:00 Adorable Hubby walks into the family room shame faced. "I'm worse then the kids!" He mumbles.

Are you sicker? I ask, really bad grammar is excused during a barf-o-rama.

"No, I didn't make it to the toilet." He moans.

I follow him down the hall to the bedroom, What the...

I walk to the bathroom door, WHAT THE...

"The bodily fluids deal is off!" I gasped, between gags, "You're cleaning this up yourself!"

A couple minutes later I hear the Shop Vac start up! W!H!A!T! T!H!E! !!! No one does that to my beloved shop vac!

I was too sick to care.

Twenty minutes later I puked in the garbage can while sitting on the toilet in the toxic waste land that used to be our bathroom.

Two hours later # 4 puked in the toilet, almost!

No one went to church on Sunday, no one cleaned the bathroom either.

Monday I left for work at 6:45 A.M.

When he picked me up from work Adorable Hubby made me guess how long it took him to clean the bathroom, "Four hours!" He announced before I could guess.

WWHHAATT TTHHEE... Adorable Hubby cleaning up fermented, crusted, 2nd, 3rd and 4th of July, bodily fluids while I'm at work, I think I'm in love. Happy anniversary tomorrow Adorable Hubby!

Yes I know I digressed into What the...Friday mode on Muttered Mumbling Monday. But, in my defense, it did take place partly on Friday.

Our Family

Our Family