Rude Awakening

 

I get woken up for really odd reasons at all times of the day.  Yes, day!

I get woken up to solve big problems, "Mom, we're out of  spaghetti sauce."

"Mom, everybody in this family uses me for their punching bag."  I get woken up to deal with drama.

I get woken up for physics.  #7's finger and the door tried to occupy the same space at the same time.

I get woken up to be a calendar.  "Mom, do I have a baseball game today?"
 "Mom, what time is my baseball game at?" And, a clock.

I get woken up to be a counselor, "Mom, why are girls so...stupid?"
"Um, I'm a girl."
"I know, that's why I'm asking you."

And, I get woken up to answer tricky questions.  "Mom, how much longer are you going to sleep?"

None of it really bugs me, I choose to work at night so I can be there to be woken up by my most important job, motherhood.

Thursday I was in a really deep sleep, felt something in my hair reached up and OW! got stung by a wasp.

Now that is a rude awakening!

The Dog Ate...Never Mind

I'm a fairly creative person and I usually run late and I am supposed to be to work at 9:00 PM sharp.  I have an amazingly forgiving manager who gives us seven minutes after our appointed clock in time before we are, "Officially late."

But, 9:00 PM is right in the middle of last minute I have a seven page report on armadillos due tomorrow homework and bedtime and, "I'm huuuunngry, you know I can't eat that disgusting stuff you made for dinner" time.

I look forward to summer because bedtime is later and dinner is later and NO HOMEWORK, que heavenly angel choirs, so of course getting out the door on time for work should be a breeze, right?

Thursday, #3 leaves at 8:30 PM to get his girlfriend home by 9:00 PM.  Yay, way to be responsible, #3!  Wait, one of the 13 zillion neighbor kids who have been in and out all day left his bike parked behind the Suburban, it's squished, #3 is near tears, the neighbor kid is in tears, #4, #5, #6, #7, #1 and the other 12 zillion neighbor kids encircle the squished bike like it's a fallen comrade, Boy Mom in a bathrobe with wet hair is calming down and lecturing about choices and responsibility and...Yep, late to work.

Friday, a cleaning frenzy that lasted until nearly 8:00 PM when I ordered #6 and #7 to pick up their toys then got in the shower, determined that tonight I would be on time.  Out of the shower with wet hair in the trusty, blue bathrobe, I step in to check the picking up process.  Rough housing and Lego's and a knee with a gaping gouge and...Yep, late to work.

Saturday, "Mom, we found this dove with a hurt wing and so we put him in our suitcase."
"Ack, why is it in your suitcase?"
"Because we need to keep it safe from dogs and stuff."
"Your suitcase will be ruined, get it out."
"We're not dumb, we put some cardboard in it and put the bird seed and water on the cardboard."
"Ack!"
A storage crate with holes a stick poked through the holes for a perch, lids for bird seed and water and a shop vac job on the spilled bird seed later and...Yep, late again.  

Did I mention I'm fairly creative and usually late?  Well, even I didn't try to explain the last few late clock-ins  who'd have believed it.

Which Came First

There are the some deep, dark, philosophical questions that have been pondered since man, uh, well, a really long time. 

Here at boy house we pride ourselves on being deep thinkers.  We allow room for science and spiritual debate and try to consider all sides of each question.

 My deep thinking #7 posed this doozey.

Which do you think came first?

Pink Nerds or purple Nerds. 

Super Summer Fun

I admit it, he started the transformation but I finished it.


 


 What is it they say, behind every good super hero is...his mother and a crayola marker?

Let's hope it wears off by Sunday. 

I miss blogging!

I have been thinking about doing a post a day for awhile!

Here goes, because all good things start on June 11th.

Of course my sister, Jenny, would disagree, but just because her birthday is June 10th.

However, she got her birthday pedicure and tattoo on June 11th so....





Am I back? 

We'll see! 

When I'm Not Boy Mom

9:00 PM,  a chubby, middle aged Radiology secretary, Susan Smith, could such a banal name be a more obvious disguise, adjusts her glasses higher on her nose and makes her way down the clinical white hallway to the radiology office.  As the door appears she sighs, hoping tonight's graveyard shift will be a quiet assortment of phone calls, patients and paperwork.  Entering the office a quick glance around the room reveals only the usual Mammo films, sticky notes and piles of scanning...but wait, a crock pot containing four day old salsa chicken, remnants of an office party, still sits on a rarely used counter.  Susan gives it a cursory glance as she puts on her rubber finger, pushes her glasses up and begins sorting. 

9:10 PM After a quick look around the office to be sure she is alone, Susan shoves her glasses onto the top of her head and begins sorting papers at super speed her rubber finger smoking as a haphazard mound of paperwork is reduced in a dizzy blur to a tidy scanning pile and shredding pile. Getting paperwork filed quickly is always best, it might be a quiet night but one never knows what evil doings may be afoot.

9:17 PM Susan's pulls her glasses back into place on her wrinkled nose, "What is that smell?" Suddenly, a full breasted hen, dripping with four day old salsa and a little cheese emerges from the crock pot with an evil cackle, "Bock, bock, brrrrocck, buwahahahabock."

Gasp, "It's Dr. Salmonella, I thought she was in lock down on the psych unit!"  Susan exclaims as she dashes out the door and down the hall. 

"Come back and fight, or are you chicken?" screeches Dr. Salmonella pulling a double barreled Blechk 2012 Germ Ray out from under her wing.

Susan jerks open the door to the Radiologist bathroom, sending a startled, red faced doctor down the hall grumbling about looney office ladies as he zips his fly.
 

9:21 PM As green flashes of phosphorescent light and the pewpewpew sounds of the germ ray flash from the office door, someone swirls out of the Radiologists bathroom.  It's Lady 'O Night, her extra strength spandex body suit can withstand toxic levels of bacteria, her fishnet stockings only rarely snag, and her cape...Ahhh the cape, shimmers and swirls around her, sequins and fluff, flashing and fluttering. 
 

Her sensible, sequined, sneakers squeaking on the hospital blue linoleum, Lady O' Night dashes into the office, Dr. Salmonella laughing maniacally "Buwahahahabock!" is covering every surface with germy, green, slime. 

Lady O' Night reaches for her utility belt, "Duoh, must be home on the body suit that's in the laundry."  With a habitual swipe at her glasses,  she grabs a handful of paper clips and a bottle of hand sanitizer.  "Hey, Dr. Salmonella, to get back to the Psych unit you need to go down to the second hall, turn left, watch for the elevators about half way down the hall,  also on your left, go up three floors...Hey!  As a slimey bolt from the germ ray barely misses her. 

"You office ladies and your parties, buwahahahbock!"  Dr. Salmonella sneers, well, as much as a 5" 9", fleshy breasted, salsa covered hen with a bright pink lipsticked beak and false eyelashes can sneer.  "I could get anywhere in this hospital in a Tupperware or one of your crock pots."

"Whatever, I've coated each of these paper clips in hand sanitizer after I throw them at you, I'm going to dash down to Central Distribution grab some alcohol wipes and a can of orange anti-bacterial spray... or we can do this the easy way."

"No! Not sanitized paper clips!  I'll get you next time Lady O' Night."   Dr. Salmonella turns to leave, "Wait, did you say the SECOND hall"

And so  the day, uhh, night is saved, peaceful boredom and paperwork are restored to Radiology and once again Susan Smith adjusts her glasses and reaches for her rubber finger. 



At the risk of giving away my secret identity, I think I deserve movie tickets :) 

It might be argued that cleaning out a four day old crock pot with hand sanitizer and paper towels is a lot like being a Boy Mom.  Oh well, I got my movie tickets.