It's my first night back in my bed after 7 nights of work and where am I? Cuddled up toasty warm next to Adorable Hubby? No!
I'm wide awake, wrapped up in my fuzzy blue bathrobe, Blogging and my toes are freezing.
So, what better time than now to begin my boy advice column?
My first bit of advice is this, Celebrate Boyishness.
I am the only thing even remotely pink and girly around here so my transition into the celebration of manliness has been forced rather than chosen. But choosing it daily, especially each time I walk into the bathroom, goes a long way toward making my life with boys joyous.
There are many variations in the mind and thinking process of boys and girls; and, you really don't need me to explain this. Every woman that spends time with men has a moment each day where she holds out her hands in question, as she shakes her head in confusion, "What the...was HE thinking??" She wonders.
It's not what he was thinking, Dearie, it's how he was thinking. He was thinking with his man brain, and thank the good Lord for that!
Look, I'm a girl, I've been thinking with my girl head for many, many years. The last thing I need is for my single minded, single tasking, stand-up-pee'rs to start emotionally, hormonally, maniacally multi-tasking, every decision. I've got that handled, thanks!
I remember listening to my Mother-In-law, helping her little granddaughter get ready for a family excursion. "Now why are you crying?" Mom-In-Law said, clearly she was at the end of her patience.
"I just want to do it all by MYSELF, Grandma!" The little whisp of pink stubbornness sobbed, dramatically.
I realized a huge difference in boys and girls. As a mom to many boys I have never heard, "I just want to do it myself!" I have heard, "I can't do this, you do it." And, I've heard, "I can do this!" But the sobbing demand , "I Want to do it MYSELF" never.
Celebrate those difference ladies, our husbands and sons help us put down some of the overwhelming pressure we put on ourselves to do EVERYTHING ourselves. Our beautiful boys remind us that thinking like a girl and being a female is not the only way to live life and that the, my way or nothing mentality robs us of peace and stresses the crap out of us.
We are born with our Male/Female differences for a reason. Rejoice in those reasons, delight in the differences, celebrate the simple complexity that is the manliness of your LITTLE man.
And that cute BIG man in your life? Celebrate his manliness too ;)
Tadah! The first boy advice post.
Feel free to ask questions for upcoming boy raising posts? Please!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Monday, March 21, 2011
One of Us is This Cool
This Blogger is my hero. She makes me laugh. Well, me and a kazillion other people, with her words of the year, smut one year, debauchery another, Ha! Her lofty goals, getting her blog banned from as many work places as possible or extreme littering. She has taught lovely lessons about relationships, and real estate sales; but, my favorite is Kristina pointing out how to glean little niggets of awesomeness from the lives of celebrities. I can't even begin to do justice to her hilarity and brilliance! I'm just not that cool.
No, sadly I'll never be as cool as Kristina, but my 6 year old #7? He's all that and a bag of Icy Hot.
#7 comes in early one morning last week and jumps on my bed in the usual manner, flip over the foot-board. "Mom, Do you like Justin Beaver (Beiber)?" He asks.
"Yes, I loooooovvvee him, he is soooooo cute and sings soooooo good!" I answer, in my best syrupy sarcastic voice.
"Well, you're the only one in our whole family who like Justin Beaver (Beiber). Know why?" he asks with a glint in his eye.
"Why am I the only one that likes Justin BieBer?" I ask, emphasizing the B sound, even though calling him Justin BeaVer is hilarious. (Don't even ask, Mom, I'm not explaining it.)
"We don't like him because we're all boys.... and he's a girl!" He waits for the laugh. Which he got!
You should go check out Kristina's Blog .
And no worries, Kristina, #7's won't be taking over your spot in the blogiverse just yet; he's got cool and celebrity snark down but is still working on the finer points of writing, ABC's and stuff.
Curse and Drat! My links don't seem to be working. I warned you I'm not cool. Go to Pulsipher Predilections on my side bar.
No, sadly I'll never be as cool as Kristina, but my 6 year old #7? He's all that and a bag of Icy Hot.
#7 comes in early one morning last week and jumps on my bed in the usual manner, flip over the foot-board. "Mom, Do you like Justin Beaver (Beiber)?" He asks.
"Yes, I loooooovvvee him, he is soooooo cute and sings soooooo good!" I answer, in my best syrupy sarcastic voice.
"Well, you're the only one in our whole family who like Justin Beaver (Beiber). Know why?" he asks with a glint in his eye.
"Why am I the only one that likes Justin BieBer?" I ask, emphasizing the B sound, even though calling him Justin BeaVer is hilarious. (Don't even ask, Mom, I'm not explaining it.)
"We don't like him because we're all boys.... and he's a girl!" He waits for the laugh. Which he got!
You should go check out Kristina's Blog .
And no worries, Kristina, #7's won't be taking over your spot in the blogiverse just yet; he's got cool and celebrity snark down but is still working on the finer points of writing, ABC's and stuff.
Curse and Drat! My links don't seem to be working. I warned you I'm not cool. Go to Pulsipher Predilections on my side bar.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Complimentary
Every mom of boys hopes she can teach her sons to notice the strengths of others. She also hopes that somehow she can teach her sons to offer sweet, sincere, heart-felt compliments. Think about it, if I can accomplish that one little thing my daughters-in-law will love me, birds will sing, fairies will dance in the moonlight and world peace will abound.
Sadly this is not as easy as it sounds. Boys are just so honest. And somewhat oblivious. "Wow! Your butt is Huge! What the heck happened to it?" Is so easily misunderstood. True Story!
Sunday at church I think we saw a little progress though. #5 is 9 years old and really loves music. He sat on the edge of the bench listening intently as a mother and daughter with beautifully trained and practiced vocal skills sang, Come Thou Font of Every Blessing. Half-way through the song he turned to me eyes shining and said loudly, "How the freak did they get their voices to sound like that?" He turned back and listened some more. "Mom, I've heard them both talk and wow, who knew they could sing this way?" The song ended, "That was incredible!"
I have known this family since forever so I shared the compliment with the Mom. "I think that is the best compliment I have ever received" she said!
Freakin' world peace can't be far behind.
Sadly this is not as easy as it sounds. Boys are just so honest. And somewhat oblivious. "Wow! Your butt is Huge! What the heck happened to it?" Is so easily misunderstood. True Story!
Sunday at church I think we saw a little progress though. #5 is 9 years old and really loves music. He sat on the edge of the bench listening intently as a mother and daughter with beautifully trained and practiced vocal skills sang, Come Thou Font of Every Blessing. Half-way through the song he turned to me eyes shining and said loudly, "How the freak did they get their voices to sound like that?" He turned back and listened some more. "Mom, I've heard them both talk and wow, who knew they could sing this way?" The song ended, "That was incredible!"
I have known this family since forever so I shared the compliment with the Mom. "I think that is the best compliment I have ever received" she said!
Freakin' world peace can't be far behind.
Friday, March 11, 2011
Really
My 18 year old is a great kid, really! He handles his own schedule at school, serves at church, has a great group of friends. Josh is a loving big brother, is always willing to lend a hand, cares deeply about people. This boy is always studying and learning wayyyy beyond the scope of what is required for school. He's reliable and fun to be around. And Hot! The kid has a body that just won't stop, got his braces off recently (did I mention he helped pay for them) and he has blue eyes, longer brown hair and wears a bandanna. As a headband. Everyday.
Uhh..bandanna and long hair? Not what I pictured when I wrote the storybook of his life; but, considering that his father wore overalls to high school. Yep! Overalls over a hoodie no-less. So yeah! I'm OK with long hair and a bandanna. Even the pink one. Mostly.
Now, our church prefers the clean cut look. Most everyone knows what a Mormon Missionary looks like, short hair, white shirt, tie. Preferred look, fine with me, I'm also fine with the NO alcohol/tobacco/drugs rule, NO pre-marital sex, No lying, stealing, cheating,and sassing your momma rules. But, lets face it, all these rules are only effective if he makes the choice; his Dad and I can teach the benefits and pitfalls of keeping or ignoring rules but ultimately it's up to him.
And, as I've mentioned he's making amazing choices. But, alas the long hair.
Last year as his older brother Jacob was preparing for a mission, Josh was Mr. Clean cut and was really hard on his big brother for having a longer hair style. Then something changed, Josh refused haircuts and stood up for his brother saying he thought Jacob should be able to wear his hair however he wanted until his 2 year church mission began. Jacob left and Joshua continued to grow his hair and began to get harassed, by people at church and in the community mostly in the form of teasing lots of it.
One day a few months ago I asked Josh what had changed Mr.Clean Cut into a bandanna wearing Hippie. He explained that he found himself judging his big brother, who, like him, was following all the rules except the hair suggestion. He realized that judging another for the choices they make is a greater sin then the breaking of the rule and chose to overcome his judgmental nature by creating the same experience for himself. Walking past the barbers chair in his brothers moccasins, so to speak.
Yesterday as I went through the mail I came across a letter addressed to, Mr. Joshua Smith. Inside were a picture cut from the Newspaper of two returning missionaries and a picture printed from a police record site of a long haired criminal, carefully selected to have hair close to the same style as Joshua's, and a letter that went something like this:
Joshua,
Look at these two pictures which one represents the values you hold dear. Your example has led to half the boys your age choosing a long hair style. You are not following church leaders and need to set a better example.
A Friend
Actually it was much more harshly worded and left the impression that Joshua was choosing the lifestyle of a hardened criminal because of the length of his hair.
I was livid!
Joshua read the letter then responded to my fuming by relating this story. Two Buddhist Monks came to a river crossing. A woman, also at the crossing but unable to cross on her own, was picked up and carried by one of the Monks across the river. The Monks continued on their way, after traveling several miles one stopped, turned angrily to his companion and said, "Brother, I am unable to continue with out letting you know my feelings. The monks voice rose as he corrected his companion, "We have strict rules governing our conduct, rules that allow us to be our best, serve most effectively and protect us from a lower way of life. One of those rules forbids us to have any physical contact with a woman. You have broken this rule and I must, as your brother, point out this sin."
The other replied, "Brother, I put down the woman many miles ago, you have carried her all this way."
"Mom, sometimes we get so caught up keeping the rules that we forget the purpose of the rules. I am learning from this experience how judgmental and condemning of others I have been and still am. Put it down it's OK!"
Well, shut my face!
I told you he was a great kid.
And, "Friend". Really?
Uhh..bandanna and long hair? Not what I pictured when I wrote the storybook of his life; but, considering that his father wore overalls to high school. Yep! Overalls over a hoodie no-less. So yeah! I'm OK with long hair and a bandanna. Even the pink one. Mostly.
Now, our church prefers the clean cut look. Most everyone knows what a Mormon Missionary looks like, short hair, white shirt, tie. Preferred look, fine with me, I'm also fine with the NO alcohol/tobacco/drugs rule, NO pre-marital sex, No lying, stealing, cheating,and sassing your momma rules. But, lets face it, all these rules are only effective if he makes the choice; his Dad and I can teach the benefits and pitfalls of keeping or ignoring rules but ultimately it's up to him.
And, as I've mentioned he's making amazing choices. But, alas the long hair.
Last year as his older brother Jacob was preparing for a mission, Josh was Mr. Clean cut and was really hard on his big brother for having a longer hair style. Then something changed, Josh refused haircuts and stood up for his brother saying he thought Jacob should be able to wear his hair however he wanted until his 2 year church mission began. Jacob left and Joshua continued to grow his hair and began to get harassed, by people at church and in the community mostly in the form of teasing lots of it.
One day a few months ago I asked Josh what had changed Mr.Clean Cut into a bandanna wearing Hippie. He explained that he found himself judging his big brother, who, like him, was following all the rules except the hair suggestion. He realized that judging another for the choices they make is a greater sin then the breaking of the rule and chose to overcome his judgmental nature by creating the same experience for himself. Walking past the barbers chair in his brothers moccasins, so to speak.
Yesterday as I went through the mail I came across a letter addressed to, Mr. Joshua Smith. Inside were a picture cut from the Newspaper of two returning missionaries and a picture printed from a police record site of a long haired criminal, carefully selected to have hair close to the same style as Joshua's, and a letter that went something like this:
Joshua,
Look at these two pictures which one represents the values you hold dear. Your example has led to half the boys your age choosing a long hair style. You are not following church leaders and need to set a better example.
A Friend
Actually it was much more harshly worded and left the impression that Joshua was choosing the lifestyle of a hardened criminal because of the length of his hair.
I was livid!
Joshua read the letter then responded to my fuming by relating this story. Two Buddhist Monks came to a river crossing. A woman, also at the crossing but unable to cross on her own, was picked up and carried by one of the Monks across the river. The Monks continued on their way, after traveling several miles one stopped, turned angrily to his companion and said, "Brother, I am unable to continue with out letting you know my feelings. The monks voice rose as he corrected his companion, "We have strict rules governing our conduct, rules that allow us to be our best, serve most effectively and protect us from a lower way of life. One of those rules forbids us to have any physical contact with a woman. You have broken this rule and I must, as your brother, point out this sin."
The other replied, "Brother, I put down the woman many miles ago, you have carried her all this way."
"Mom, sometimes we get so caught up keeping the rules that we forget the purpose of the rules. I am learning from this experience how judgmental and condemning of others I have been and still am. Put it down it's OK!"
Well, shut my face!
I told you he was a great kid.
And, "Friend". Really?
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