Mom of the Year

It's only  May but I'm well on my way to being that coveted Mom of the Year grand prize winner. 

Language, we all know that getting your children to use appropriate language is somehow vitally important to turning out good little lads and lassies who don't get themselves sent to the principals office too frequently. With a household of boys I've gotta admit I'm not so much trying to win the battle more convince them that I'm a girl and that means...awright, who am I kidding? I can out potty-mouth all of them so don't get me started.

For instance at dinner hour the other night (could there be a more stress filled hour in the day?) #7 and #6 start roughhousing, I'm trying to combine hamburger that may or may not have sat in the fridge to long, pasta shaped like radiators, a couple of limp carrots and a can of spaghetti sauce into something at least one of them won't complain about while I yell at the youngest three to finish up homework.

 #3 and #4 are prowling the kitchen hungry and sweaty from track and Ultimate Frisbee practice, accompanied by sweaty, hungry friends and cute little teenage neighborhood girls.  #5 is bossing #7 and #6, and refusing to finish his homework and trying to join in with the teenage conversation which I like, can't even like, understand, because like, they use like as nouns, and like, verbs, and like, I know, right?

Inevitably, just as all this happiness is swirling around us #7 starts calling someone a, plug your eyes sensitive readers, douche bag. Grrr, my Boy Mom senses start tingling and I whirl from the stove a pattern of spaghetti sauce splots fanning the wall and fridge in my wake, "Hey, #7, quit calling your brother a douche bag!" I yell sweetly request.

"He is a douche bag!" yells #7 as he launches himself from a bar stool, towards the offending brother, fists clenched.

"I am not a douche bag, I told him to quit wrestling with #6 and he wouldn't, he's the douche bag!" As he fends of seven year old fists.

"I don't have to listen to you, Douche bag!" #7 yells and lands a well placed fist earning him a punch back from a much bigger #4. "Oww, that hurt's you big Douche bag." He starts to cry and punch harder.

That's when years of honed, practiced, parenting expertise take over and I sink my spaghetti saucy fingers so deeply into that Mom of the Year award you'll never pry them off.  "#7, you know your brother is a douche bag, it's an accepted fact that he's a douche bag, but you are pushing the douche buttons.  Quit pushing his douche buttons and he'll quit being a douche bag to you!"

A moment of silence, followed by shrieks of teenage laughter, "Sorry, Mom, were not undermining your parenting...douche buttons...buwahhhhahaah..gasp, ha, ha."

"Mom what's a douche button?"


Happy Mother's Day!

Roll Up Those Genes, Spring Has Sprung

Setting: Front yard where Boy Mom is admiring her blooming bulbs and enjoying a moment of quiet. #3 and #4 walk up having returned from a church activity.

#3: Yo, Mom! What's for dinner.

#4: Now here we see an example of Co-dominance. (As he points to a white and orange Daffodil that bloomed today.)

#3: Dinner Mom??? I'm starving!

#4: You see, when the white flower, uhhh...mates? with the orange flower, the dominate gene for white and the dominate gene for orange...

#3: (interrupts) Uh Oh! Nerd alert!

#4: (ignores and continues) ... each contribute alleles with out overpowering the other so both colors are represented.

#3: I'm making everybody French Toast for dinner.

#4: I need to take a poop then I'll help you.

Boy Mom: Uhhh...wash your hands.

Happy spring from my heterozygous flowers...and teens.

I have three sons serving as missionaries for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. this is the Easter letter I sent to them. I try not to get to preachy here in blog land because heaven knows I am the last person that should be preaching to anyone. I do believe in God and his son Jesus Christ and I believe in love. Nothing has taught me more about love than being married to my husband and being the mother of eight beautiful sons.

Dear Boys,

I put a couple packages together for Jacob and Tyler then I decided that it really didn't make sense to spend 12 dollars to send 5 dollars worth of candy to you! Things are a little tight right now so I ended up giving your treats to the little boys and that saved me buying them candy. I had planned to send you each a card with a little money but work and life got in the way and since we aren't sure if we can send anything to Josh except emails I decided to just email you all my testimony of Christ.

I have thought a lot about what Jesus Christ means to me on this Easter day! My thoughts have come down to this one thing. Yeshua born of Mary a literal Son of God teaches me most purely of my divinity, my worth, and my claim as a daughter of a Heavenly Father who loves me and cherishes me. As I think of each of you, your amazing strengths, your little hang-ups,and your unique personalities I am humbled by the the love I feel for you as it compares with Gods love for me.

Rarely does a day go by that I don't see or hear something that reminds me of each of you. And each time I think of you I am filled with gratitude for the things you teach me and the parts of you that remind me of the sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ. You each save me as I see my strengths and my sins amplified in you.

I am thankful that Christ came to teach me not to cling to human experience but to live each moment and move on. I am grateful that He teaches me to know my relationship in this simply, vast universe, to know that I am never, for one teensy moment, alone. I love the abundance He taught by possessing no earthly goods. I delight that over and over He showed by word and deed that rules and policies and guidelines, be they of man or God, are only powerful if they are rooted in and applied with love. "On these two hang all the laws and all the prophets, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and your neighbor as yourself." I am touched that over and over those who chose to live as he lived, in humble realization of THEIR power to order and guide their life through unwavering faith in God were healed.

Jesus Christ knelt in Gethsemane's garden, in solemn tribute to the promises made in Eden's garden. He bled from every pore, oh the symbolic significance in each droplet of blood. Then in agony, deserted by sleeping friends, even this Son of God pled with His Father, "remove this cup". He endured silently the taunts and torments of his Roman captors, he groaned beneath the weight of His cross. Forgave, three times in the hour of his death then commended his soul back to it's wellspring . He did not save us by being perfect, He surrendered all condemnation and judgement of our experiences in this mortal sphere and thus became perfect, and taught us the source of our salvation, do not condemn, do not judge, only love. He rose, and came forth out of the tomb on Easter Morn, clothed in immortality and eternal life and Mary called him "Master"

From your first breath each of you has taught me this perfecting love by loving me and freely allowing me my experiences, my moments of clarity and my foolish sins, without judgement. You teach me of my Savior, of what it means to love as God loves me. You are each priceless and beautiful beyond the ability of mortal lips expression.

Love each soul you encounter as Jesus loves. Know that each soul has a mother who loves them as I love you. Believe in Christ, see him in each set of eyes you meet, in each hand you touch. Let no one leave your presence with out giving them a moment of pure presence a moment of oneness. That is my Easter wish for you, my Easter gift to you, and my testimony of the risen Lord!

I hope you each had a glorious Easter day!

I love you, Dad loves you!

Strength and Honor

Mom and Dad

You're It

I have been such a sporadic blog updater lately that I was stunned to get a tag from Barb. I love you Barb! This may be the just thing to help me find my blogging mojo.

Here are my answers to her questions.


1. Where is your dream vacation?



Easy, Oregon Coast.

I can wander the beach for hours, or hike the gorgeous and rare temperate rainforests depending if I go west or east coming out of my hotel room. A unique and beautiful experience.

That being said, I have been stuck in UT for so stinkin' long I'd settle for a tent vacation to Sagebrush Flats, Nevada.

I would also love to go to Europe and the Seychelles.


2. What is your favorite movie that has Hugh Jackman in it?



I love him in X-Men Origins, who wouldn't? But, for me it's The Fountain, I love the symbolism and the Tattoo's and his passion for his woman.


3. What book could you read over and over and never be sick of it?


Twilight!! Ha! I jest people! Can you believe I didn't take a picture of this awesome apple cupped in two hands Twilight book cover style.

Seriously does such a book exist?

I love books, don't get me wrong, but over and over without boredom??? Sorry.


4. What's the last movie you saw in the theater?


Umm...hmmm, oh yes, Chronicle! I enjoyed it, and the popcorn.


5. Why did you start blogging?

My sister-in-law got me started and the Because I said So lady. I must admit that it is now painful to keep the Because I Said So lady on my sidebar but I give credit where credit is due.


6. What store would be your favorite for a shopping spree?



The Garden store.

Yes, it's true, I would compromise every moral fiber for a Garden Store Sugar Daddy.

Trellises, benches, decking materials, water features, plants, hoses, shovels, bulbs, rocks, seeds, fertilizer, pots, gnomes...ahhhh!


7. If you were 'Queen for a Day' what rules would you impose?



LOL I'm really hung up on this one, "with great power comes great responsibility" I guess.

Thinking...nope, nothing is coming... what am I queen of?

Oh, I know!

Every single urine drop must land in the toilet water, doesn't matter what direction you aim, if you aim, how old you are, if it's 3:00 AM and you are cuddled between your clean sheets, EVERY DROP! And, if my rules are broken then, "Off with their...ummm, heads!"

8. Heels or flats?

I'm a cute flip flops girl.


9. Do you have a traditional Sunday dinner?

Yes! We're the freakin' Walton's when it comes to family togetherness on Sundays.


10. What's your favorite song right now?


Me
By Paula Cole Paula Cole


11. What's your dream job?


Don't laugh... Tavern owner.

Stop laughing!

I love having people over to visit, eat, and feel they have a place where, whatever they are and wherever they are in life's journey they are accepted and loved. I've fed door-to-door salesmen, cable installers, neighbor kids, friends and family for years, I might as well start serving them ale and stabling their horse for the night, right?

The other option was sultry jazz singer...


This was fun! Thanks, Barb!

OK, I tag

Tiffany at Families are Forever

Cathy at Ridin' The Range

Ginny at Mark and Ginny Stewart

LaShel at Reality Hits the Fan

Amy at Adams Family

Jenny at Alternate Readality

Techno Grandma at The James Family

Mama Lovelock at Mama LoveLock

Mummy at Mummy McTavish

Suz at Jason, Suz and the Grunts.

And Mandoo, you know who you are, girl.

All these names are on my side bar if I wait till I get them linked this is never going to get posted so there you go.

And here are some questions for you.


1. Pets, Love em or hate em?

2. Favorite Household cleaning product.

3. What is your most guilty, guilty pleasure?

4. Chocolate, Dark or light.

5. The best parenting tip you've ever got.

6. If you were secretly a super hero what would your name be and what super power would you have.

7. I just gave you 100 dollars, how do you spend it?

8. Are you addicted to a TV show? Do tell.

9. Who's your movie star crush?

10. Who is the most inspirational person in your life?

My Guilty Valentine

They say confession is good for the soul.

My Mom's birthday is January 30th.

I happened to be at the England Store in Salt Lake City earlier that month and bought her a huge Cadbury chocolate bar with filberts, her very favorite nut.

Mom has moved from across the street to a town a couple hours away so I tucked her chocolate bar away and waited for her to visit. On her birthday I mentioned that I had the chocolate and told her to come visit soon before she ended up sharing it with me.

On Valentines day I ate it! The whole thing.

Thanks for the Valentine, Mom...


it was delicious.

Sorry!

Woah!

So many things to catch up on.

December: Sick Boy Mom, dang nose, and lungs, much empathy for sinus/asthma sufferers everywhere. Missionary number three headed out on the 28th, many hours and dollars of preparation during a very busy month but he LOVES it. Christmas sat in bins and boxes until a near Adorable Hubby meltdown. Presents were simple kinda, #2 wanted to give his brothers a going away XBox 360 and TV, we split the cost and his brothers were thrilled.


Boy Mom and #2 at the Salt Lake City Temple.



January: No snow. More sinus crud, seriously? OK I get it, be nice to sinus sufferers, enough already. Christmas finally put away after a near Adorable Hubby melt down, poor, patient man. Managed to sprout the live Christmas tree which creates a dilemma, I just can't throw a living breathing plant out on the street. Three missionary letters a week and packages for meds, and holidays and birthdays is taking over my life. Broken dryer, broken dishwasher, limping along washer, broken microwave. Where the crap is the snow?? I love snow!


Sprouting a Christmas tree has been a secret goal of mine for years. Makes the saying, "Be sure you want what you wish for", take on new meaning.




And now for your reading pleasure...

A Conversation With #7.

Scene1: Boy Mom and Adorable Hubby's bed for a 5 minute cuddle before bedtime.

Players: Adorable Hubby, Boy Mom, #7, #6, #5, the dog.

Mood: Boy Mom has seriously called for silence, it's half-an-hour past bedtime and the 5 minute cuddle has lasted 20 minutes.

After 4 minutes of silence...

#7: It would be really great to be a balloon...

Boy Mom Adorable Hubby, #5, #6: ??

#7: ...until you POPPED!

Boy Mom: (covering up a laugh) Shhhh

#7: Of course you wouldn't have hands so you couldn't eat.

Boy Mom: Fortunately balloons don't eat much.

#7: Duh! No hands!

#7, #6, #5, Boy Mom: giggle, chuckle, snort.

Adorable Hubby: Alright, everybody into their own bed...chuckle.


Scene 2: Next morning wake up time.

Setting: Boy Mom and Adorable Hubby's bed, #7 has wandered back in at some point in the night.

Mood: Frustrated Boy Mom, #7 complains about school every morning.

Players: Adorable Hubby, Boy Mom, #7, the dog.

#7: I'm not going to school, I'm sick, I have no friends, my teacher hates me, I'm too tired...

Boy Mom: Hey, #7, last night I dreamed I was a big yellow balloon and I was really hungry because I didn't have any hands. But, then you came along and fed me...

#7: ??

Boy Mom: ...With a FORK.

Boy Mom, #7: Giggle, chuckle, snort.

Adorable Hubby: Really? I'm trying to sleep here...chuckle.


#7 is really into balloons lately. I think being able to weight a balloon so that the feet actually maintain proper anatomical alignment is kinda cool. However, it's really creepy to have a green balloon with anatomically correct feet wandering around your house.


Good to be back.

Thanks

It's 4:33 AM. I've been up since 3:34 AM.

Wake up times fascinate me. I find I wake up at exactly the same time every morning for several in a row then suddenly switch times. And, with each bio-rhythmic switch I feel a sense of loss, I'll miss 3:34 glowing red on the clock face like I'd miss a neighbor moving from my same street to the next town. It's not that I'll never see them again, just that the routine of waving each morning and again each evening will be a comfortable familiarity missed.

Back to 4:33 AM. I spent the last hour awake sending silly, sleepy text messages to the other graveyard clerk. (I work 7nights on/7 nights off as a clerk at a hospital) I rarely see the other graveyard clerk but randomly carry on conversations in the early morning hours when one of us is trying to stay awake and one trying to sleep. Love ya, Russ! At 4:33 AM I headed back to bed but found my half occupied by two warm sets of elbows and knees, their deep, peaceful breathing weakens my resolve to walk them back to their cold beds and the dog is snoring on most of the couch he's not supposed to be on... and so I write.

It's Thanksgiving today. Despite cold toes, I am touched with a profound thankfulness for those knees and elbows in my bed. Each of my sons has held that role at one time or another, though none more then these last two, and it ranks high on the thankful list. The peace of a warm boy body curled up against my back, the thrill of wondering if Rick will get the first elbow to the ribs or if it will be me? Call me strange, but I love it like I loved the growing awareness of each child wiggling in my womb.

There are Christmas lights and trees up here and there, I shake my head a little when I see lights up before Thanksgiving, and it's mostly not jealousy at others organizational skills. I really love Thanksgiving, wish I focused more on all I have instead of using the feast as energy to springboard into staying up all night consuming retailers into the black; and, yet I'm thankful for all the abundance around me, the ease of finding Kale after only two stores, the fist pump when I get an X-Box 360 for $50 dollars less then it priced out at.

I wonder if I'm attached to consumption, in the name of economic growth and progress like I'm sleepily attached to 3:34 AM glowing on my alarm clock. Have I become so familiar with retail-ism that I fear losing it more then I fear its over powering roll in my life? Am I watching to many YouTube documentaries?

Hmmm, that's enough deep thinking for one holiday. And now my Thankful List:

Husband, oh, my love.

Sons, nocturnal rib jabs, stinky sports gear, empty fridge and all.

Family, each one doing their part, sharing experiences that bless us all.

Friends, they see our best, know our worst and love us still.

Dogs, never have to wonder what they were thinking or what they think of you.

Nature, a constant reminder of God's intimate awareness of each detail, grand or miniscule.

Books, the best of traveling companions.

Chocolate Swirled Pumpkin Cheesecake, it's just that good.

Handicapped parking, those extra 40 steps each time I'm at the store remind me how good it is to move freely and to do it more often.

Bloggers, you share the little stuff the big stuff the good, bad and mundane, reminding me we're all human and all wonderful.

My job, I finally appreciate the leisurely years as a homemaker ;=)

Tank tops, they go under everything.

Jesus Christ, the Man who makes life with all my men a joy.



And now, some hand turkeys for your Thanksgiving viewing pleasure.


It started out innocently enough, I asked #7 for his hand to draw a hand turkey for his missionary brothers. They were traditional hand turkeys in traditional fall colors and are now on their way to Kansas City, Missouri and Athol, Idaho.

Then #6 wanted to make a hand turkey, things were going well until #7 became bored with the Autumn color scheme and gave his turkey some pink feathers and a green wobble (or whatever you call the thing that hangs down their neck).

He kinda looks like he's coming out of the closet just when he should be hiding in the closet.


Now, #6 is a quiet, traditional child and carefully drew a hand turkey that would make any pilgrim parent proud. Left on the cupboard overnight some older less conservative older brother added a, chain saw blade beak?

Disturbing!

No one would own up to it the next morning over cold cereal and so the therapist appointment remains unscheduled.

Here's a close-up.



I dunno, maybe it's a sonic gobble ray, maybe he's a mutant turkey, maybe he'll make it into the next X-Men movie... X Men need pets too, ya know.

I know, time to go back to bed.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!