#7

We live in a desert, not Outback Chocolate Cake, a semi-arid climate favorable to lizards and sagebrush. Except this spring it has rained and rained and rained and raine... there are still ski resorts open and flooding is eminent.

Sunday at dinner #7 announced, "Today is not Sunday!" We all gazed at him, "It's Rainday, not Sunday!" He took a bite of his pickle and Banana pepper sandwich (he refuses to eat meat), "Duh, it's raining!"

Adorable Hubby and I looked at each other and shrugged, you can't argue with that kind of logic.


Yesterday #7 asked Adorable Hubby, "Is Lady GaGa real?"

"Ummm..." said Adorable Hubby looking my way for a help. He got a shrug from this Boy Mom, I believe in Lady GaGa like Utahans believe in too much rain.

Manic Monday

Remember that song????


It's just another manic Monday (oh-woe)
I wish it was Sunday (oh-woe)
'Cause that's my Funday (oh-woe)
My I don't have to runday (oh)
It's just another manic Monday.

Me too, love the Bangles

Walk like an Egyptian...

The Bangles remind me of a college roommate. Every morning she washed and blow dried her hair, then ratted it out with a 1/2 can of Aqua Net. It was gloriously big and messy and wonderful. I admired her moxie, she was the whole, 80's Girl package and she thought I had nice calves...




We all had nice calves in the 80's because, hello...




What God and freakishly high heals didn't give us, fishnets and leg warmers covered up.

Wow! Tangent!

Uhhhh....

Oh! Random stuff going on, that's what I was going to blog about.

You can always tell I've dedicated myself to finding the laundry room floor when you end up with one of these long rambling, random posts. If only public nudity wasn't so frowned upon you would be spared all this.

I've had some great Mothers day gifts. From a homemade butterfly ring, to a funeral spray (now that was a thoughtful gift that the next lucky recipient will never suspect I re-gifted). This year I got three darling cards from three darling boy that will forever be my babies. #5 worked really hard on his, it opened the wrong way (precious) pictured a crepe paper sun and flower and said:

Mom,

I am like the flower growing in the light of the sun (you).

Oh, and you are as sweet as this Kit Kat bar.


A mini Kit Kat bar was taped beneath the last line.

"Oh, sweetie that's so nice of you!" I said.

He gave me a hug, a kiss and an angelic smile, "I know, can I have the Kit Kat bar?"



Baseball season is in full swing...Ha, get it??

Sorry!

Four games a week, four practices a week, farmers tans and late dinners; but, so worth the $80.00 a kid to watch your six year old pick dandelions and chase butterflies with his cleats untied and his pants on backwards. Luckily his shirt hangs down past his knees and he can't keep it tucked in so I'm the only one who knew his pants were on backwards, or so I've convinced myself.

The weather: The weather needs to be admitted to the lock down unit and heavily medicated. I can handle warm days and cool days, sunny days and rainy days; but, warm, cool, rainy, sunny days all on the same day???

My yard is NOT coming along at all. I put on capri's and a t-shirt, head out, trowel in hand, to frigid temperatures and rain. I go in and change to jeans, a sweatshirt and wool socks walk out and it's 80 and sunny. That's why the only planting I've accomplished are the planters on my front porch. I can't seem to make it past my front porch with out a wardrobe change. My front porch is really cute this year.

I got to chat with Missionary boy ( #1 son) on Mothers day. He's amazing, so grown up and content to serve and love and learn. Except for the Mothers Day when #5 was born, talking to my #1 goes down as the best Mothers Day gift to date.

Now why didn't I post that last bit up with the Mothers Day stuff?

I'd really like to get into a pair of these,without endangering myself and others when I moved. Bits of metal and rhinestones, with an unknown trajectory, fired at a high velocity from the backside of a 40 something mom with a junk food habit is an act of terrorism in most states. Don't take my word for it, call your local Homeland security officer.

I'd settle for a pair of these.


Only without the holes and the shoes that are an ER trip in the making...unless, tripping in the shoes is supposed to explain the holes?? But why is one pant leg rolled up higher than the other? Oh, and the shirt is adorable; but, the girls really can't go out unsupervised. So, completely disregard this outfit and picture me in something cute and totally appropriate for my age and body shape...but hot!

I'm down 6lbs from my winter weight high, Yay! Shivering and sweating at the same hour and a half baseball game is really paying off.

Thank heavens for only three weeks left in school. Please let me survive. Please let my kids survive. I'd probably really regret strangling one of them by August.

Wellllll, I'm off to change the washer/dryer and color Easter eggs...don't ask!

Happy Mothers Day

I've been wanting to do this post for quite some time. I had intended to call it Book Ends because this post is about my sister Jenny and me. I am the oldest child in my family of eleven siblings and Jenny is the youngest. I think Jenny was three years old when I left for college so no one can claim that our similarities are due to my influence on her young impressionable mind.

It must be genetics.

Jenny and I have lived across the street from each other for the past nine years now. She with our Mom, me with my testosterone brood. It's been really fun to discover how similar we are despite the many years between us. Well, fun for us, I'm fairly sure my Mom wonders where we came from with our tattoo loving, tank top exchanging ways.

Jenny was the first person I went to after reading the anonymous "Friend" letter demanding my #2 son cut his hair and quit leading the church boys astray with his rebel ways. "Talk me down!" I said, handing her the letters and the pictures of missionaries and a convict. She read the letter, laughed and said, "No way I'm talking you down, I want to see you let loose on this!"

A few weeks ago Jenny started a blog, she calls it a book, soccer, movie blog, check it out at Alternate Readality on my sidebar. (Cute blog name, right?) Unfortunately soccer season was in full swing and Jenny was rooting hard for Real Madrid, her "soccer boys", she may have focused on soccer a lot in those first few posts. She posted a couple pictures of one soccer body boy shirtless, but with an assurance to those who might take offense, that she had even better pictures but didn't dare post them because, hello, our Mom would be scandalized.

She emailed me the "even better" picture of Sergio Ramos, the one she hadn't posted... is it hot in here? Now I intended to post that picture on another blog of mine with less of a family geared audience as a part of this post. Adorable Hubby and Jenny thought this post should be a Mothers Day post on this blog so I'll just describe the picture.

Jenny and I both agree that Sergio has a hot name and even hotter body, his face....so, so. But, when you're as impossibly hot as Sergio it's only fair you're not completely perfect. Any who, in this picture Sergio's hair is brushed out in shoulder length locks of manliness, and he's wearing only what God and soccer gave him (And WoW! What God and soccer gave him!) with a pair of soccer cleats covering his man parts.

I responded this with this email.

Dear Sergio and Jenny,

Which picture represents the soccer standards you hold dear?

(This is Sergio)





Please Read, For the Hotness of Soccer, especially the section about hair length. It states, and I quote, "Just because you are impossibly hot and have the body of a Greek Olympian doesn't mean you can wear your hair like one. Don't you realize that some players are balding and will be sad if they have to mouth kiss another player who mocks their follicley challenged hotness with his flowing locks of manliness? And certain players would be uncomfortable grabbing the ass of a player who wears his hair long. What would Soccer come to if hot, sweaty men no longer lip kissed and Glute Grabbed their fellow players?"

Sergio, since you brought your "man locks" to Real Madrid, like, two other players have grown their hair out too. See what your example is causing?




Please for the love of all that is Soccer, cut your hair, quit with all this open praying stuff and slip some guy the tongue already...perhaps that cute Australian player. Now he has nice short hair.




And, Jenny, quit encouraging Sergio.

Sincerely,

A Friend


Jenny responded with.

I was laughing sooooo hard I had to read it three times just to appreciate it! Thanks for all the hot pics. I'm not ashamed!


Now I'm not a huge soccer fan but I love that she is. And she can send me pictures of hot, scantily clad soccer players anytime...so I can be supportive and sisterly.


Jenny and I share a love for pedicures, tattoos, cute clothes, awesome shoes, movies, tank-tops, books, lime-coconut cup cakes, seasonal t-shirts, junior mints, Be-Dazzlers, sarcasm, writing, adventure, beaches...the list just keeps going.

We do have one little sibling rivalry however.

Who has the better cleavage...


Jenny?

or me?





I text-ed her this picture a week ago, and wished her a Happy Mothers day.

Why?

A couple years ago on Mothers Day we sat next to each other as a church member spoke about the evils of Sexting...on Mothers Day Sunday. We kept poking each other in the ribs and may have whispered how we wished we had our cell phones.

Jenny text-ed me back last week with her cleavage shot and, "It's not Mother's Day but what a great way to brighten my morning"

Clearly she was conceding the Cleavage Wars in my favor.


Mom, I know sometimes you wonder how you got eleven kids to turn out so great. Consider what you had to begin with and how you ended... how could you have failed with all that going on??

Love you, Jenny!

Love You Mom!

Happy Mothers Day to all you Moms out there.

Girls Gone Wild!

Yep, this is a Spring Break post.

Those who live in sunnier climes, or watch TV after certain hours, or who aren't my Mother, will have heard spring break stories.

If you're a college coed your spring break packing list would look like this:

Beer
Hawaiian Tropic tanning oil
Bikini
Tank top
Shorts
Super cute sandals
Beer
Make-up
hair care products
Bikini
Beer

If you're two middle age moms your Spring Break packing list would look like this:

Zanax
Jackets
Coats
Gloves
Shorts
Long pants
Pull-ups
Bottled Water
Pajamas
Bottled Water
Juice pouches
Groceries
SPF 100 Sun Screen
Children's Tylenol
Children's Motrin
Children's Allergy
Bottled water
Socks
Shoes
Underwear
Groceries
Tylenol
Allergy pills
Motrin
Gloves
Hats
Scarves
Super sturdy sandals
Groceries
Recipes
Shampoo
Hiking shoes
Back packs
Paper Plates
Paper cups
Batteries
Movies
Game Boys
Chargers
Games
DVD Player
Hair Brush
Pony tail thingies
Bottled Water
Groceries
Socks
Camera
Kids
Dog
Leash
Dog food
Dog Dish
Dog toy
Snacks
Dog Snacks
Zanax
Ice
Coolers
Shirts
Marshmallows
Wienie roasters

If you're a college coed, you cram in some guys, friends, brothers car, radio blasting the latest hits then it's good-bye, studies, classes, jobs, and hello beaches for several sunny fun filled days.

If you're two 40ish Moms it's gas up the Mini-van and Suburban, attach a trailer for all the stuff, cram in 10 kids, and the dog, double check to make sure you have everything, stop at Wall-mart one more time just to be sure, realize you'll never make it to your destination by dinner time, stop at Wendy's, realize you forgot sunglasses, go back home to get sunglasses then it's good-bye children, dog, meals, housework, and hello, children, dog, meals and...wait...!

Now I'm not complaining mind you, my best friend Suz and I had a wonderful trip and only had to break out the Zanax a couple times.

Here's a map I found of Garfield county where most of our adventures took place. This area of our state is so much fun.



Day 1 was the trip down.

We planned to leave at 12:00 PM giving me a few hours of sleep after seven Graveyard shifts in a row. When we arrived in Loa, Utah a 2 1/2 hour drive at a little after 7:00 PM, #2, my 18 year old, said, "You realize that you two have your own time zone?" We were just proud of ourselves for making it before dark.

Day 2 Little Wild Horse Canyon

Utah is famous for it's amazing geological formations, I like to call it God's sandbox. Here we are hiking through a set of slot canyons, if you're claustrophobic you might want to look away.

100 feet down the trail the boys were distracted by a tree that just begged to be climbed.


Wow! Mom! An old building!


Claustrophobic much?

Our little ones climbing the walls.




This is all of us after losing the 4 youngest children for about 1/2 an hour and going through the first slot canyon.
This is our Spring Break girls gone wild shot! We might have text-ed our husbands this picture and called it Sluts in a Slot...but I would never tell you that here because this is a family blog and you're good Christian people and my Mom might be reading, hi, Mom!

The awesomeness of these canyons is indescribable, wind and water, sandstone and sunshine and we're just getting started.


Goblin Valley

Later that day we stopped at Goblin Valley and fixed a windy lunch or should that read lunch in the wind? Any who, we were cold and tired but wandered down amongst the goblins with our goblins for a few more pictures.

Bear in mind we were with many teenage boys who didn't see goblins... they saw other things.




Suz and I were above such juvenile thoughts and let our minds be uplifted by the majesty of Gods creations. We text-ed a few more pictures to our husbands about, "missing you" and, "something made me think of you" We're really thoughtful that way.

Suddenly, amidst all the goblins we spotted something else...



I hadn't been to Goblin Valley before and WOW! To all my bloggy friends, in other parts of the country or world, come to Utah; we'd love to expose you to some of the natural wonders our state has to offer.



Here is the Girls Gone Wild shot from Goblin Valley. Yes we're on our backs...what? We were escaping the wind.
Awww! That's Suz and Lily, our only girl. Aren't they gorgeous?


And last here is #6 basking in the boy joy of jumping from rock to rock to rock.


Day 2, Calf Creek Falls

The next day we drove up 10,000 feet over the top of Boulder mountain, still covered in snow and down, down, down to Calf Creek Falls. At some points the road into the falls was a sheer 300-1000 foot drop off on both sides. The area is called Hells Backbone and gulp, this was a Zanax moment.

Calf Creek Falls is at the back of a box canyon. A box canyon is well...a box. Calf Creek flows into the canyon over the rocks and after 100's of years the water has eroded the rock until a valley has formed. Early pioneers would herd young cattle into box canyons then build a fence across the open end. There the cattle were safe and had abundant food and water. And, I may have read the trail guide too many times.

The hike was 6 miles round trip, our teenage boys eager to swim in the falls beat the moms and younger children there by something like 10 hours a little bit. It was windy, shady and the water was melted snow. #4 bravely dove in just to say he did it then quickly got dressed and hiked back out to the sunshine.

#7 carried his swimsuit determined to, "Swim in the water fall because I can swim now!" And, because he, "Didn't want people to see his bum when he swam in the waterfall!" When we got to the falls he stripped down naked in front of all the other hikers, put on his swim suit, took 8 steps through ankle deep water, ran out took his swimsuit off in front of all the other hikers, put his clothes back on and hiked out to the sunshine. Good thing he showed off those swimming skills and that no one saw his bum (or his goblin).

Here's our girls gone wild shot at Calf Creek Falls.


The hike out was slow and pleasant. I spent most of my time holding hands and chatting with #7. We stopped and talked about the sites at each trail marker. Eventually we caught up with Suz, Lily, Milo and #5. That's when we got this cute picture.


The next day we slept in.



Fixed a gourmet breakfast. These are our whole wheat, Greek Yogurt, blackberry pancakes, Yum! Strangely our kiddos just wanted syrup on their pancakes.



Then we went to Torrey a touristy little town just outside Capital Reef National park. We let everyone choose a souvenir at the trading post. Here are our rowdy teens making the word blocks say something it's probably better you can't read.

Then we went into Capital Reef Park, stopped at the country store for pie and ice cream, then went over to the park for soccer, ultimate Frisbee, wading in the creek, and sunshine.

My #6, #3, #2, and #4, Suz's Tommy, and a random tourist from England.


Suz and Tommy practicing soccer skills.




#5 and Lilly playing in the creek.



Another Creek picture with a cool wooden bridge.



Here's our sunburned, windblown, happy and relaxed GGW picture at the park.


Suz and I have made a trip similar to this nearly every year for the past 1o years. Our children have many fond memories of all the fun.

One memory #5 was determined to duplicate the moment we stopped within site of some rock formations was the, "holding up a huge rock picture" we have many of them of all our boys at different ages.

"Uhhh, #5" says I. "You may be missing the point."

"No! I love this picture, just take it Mom, it will look great."



And...yeah! Unless holding up the sky was the shot we were going for...

We may not have escaped children, meals, and housework but that may be missing the point. We began coming here together when this boy, #5, was the baby. I can remember making a sling out of a receiving blanket and taking nursing breaks on hikes.

Now these are our babies.

We have precious few years left to make memories with these precious kidletts of ours. And, thanks to the best friend a wild girl could ever have, and husbands willing to send us off into the wilderness with only the few things we could stuff into a Suburban, Mini-Van and trailer, and cute, amazing, rowdy boys and our darling Princess Lil, and the dog, we have enough memories to fill that big blue Spring Break Sky.

Celebrate Boyishness

It's my first night back in my bed after 7 nights of work and where am I? Cuddled up toasty warm next to Adorable Hubby? No!

I'm wide awake, wrapped up in my fuzzy blue bathrobe, Blogging and my toes are freezing.


So, what better time than now to begin my boy advice column?

My first bit of advice is this, Celebrate Boyishness.

I am the only thing even remotely pink and girly around here so my transition into the celebration of manliness has been forced rather than chosen. But choosing it daily, especially each time I walk into the bathroom, goes a long way toward making my life with boys joyous.

There are many variations in the mind and thinking process of boys and girls; and, you really don't need me to explain this. Every woman that spends time with men has a moment each day where she holds out her hands in question, as she shakes her head in confusion, "What the...was HE thinking??" She wonders.

It's not what he was thinking, Dearie, it's how he was thinking. He was thinking with his man brain, and thank the good Lord for that!


Look, I'm a girl, I've been thinking with my girl head for many, many years. The last thing I need is for my single minded, single tasking, stand-up-pee'rs to start emotionally, hormonally, maniacally multi-tasking, every decision. I've got that handled, thanks!

I remember listening to my Mother-In-law, helping her little granddaughter get ready for a family excursion. "Now why are you crying?" Mom-In-Law said, clearly she was at the end of her patience.

"I just want to do it all by MYSELF, Grandma!" The little whisp of pink stubbornness sobbed, dramatically.

I realized a huge difference in boys and girls. As a mom to many boys I have never heard, "I just want to do it myself!" I have heard, "I can't do this, you do it." And, I've heard, "I can do this!" But the sobbing demand , "I Want to do it MYSELF" never.

Celebrate those difference ladies, our husbands and sons help us put down some of the overwhelming pressure we put on ourselves to do EVERYTHING ourselves. Our beautiful boys remind us that thinking like a girl and being a female is not the only way to live life and that the, my way or nothing mentality robs us of peace and stresses the crap out of us.

We are born with our Male/Female differences for a reason. Rejoice in those reasons, delight in the differences, celebrate the simple complexity that is the manliness of your LITTLE man.

And that cute BIG man in your life? Celebrate his manliness too ;)

Tadah! The first boy advice post.

Feel free to ask questions for upcoming boy raising posts? Please!

One of Us is This Cool

This Blogger is my hero. She makes me laugh. Well, me and a kazillion other people, with her words of the year, smut one year, debauchery another, Ha! Her lofty goals, getting her blog banned from as many work places as possible or extreme littering. She has taught lovely lessons about relationships, and real estate sales; but, my favorite is Kristina pointing out how to glean little niggets of awesomeness from the lives of celebrities. I can't even begin to do justice to her hilarity and brilliance! I'm just not that cool.

No, sadly I'll never be as cool as Kristina, but my 6 year old #7? He's all that and a bag of Icy Hot.

#7 comes in early one morning last week and jumps on my bed in the usual manner, flip over the foot-board. "Mom, Do you like Justin Beaver (Beiber)?" He asks.

"Yes, I loooooovvvee him, he is soooooo cute and sings soooooo good!" I answer, in my best syrupy sarcastic voice.

"Well, you're the only one in our whole family who like Justin Beaver (Beiber). Know why?" he asks with a glint in his eye.

"Why am I the only one that likes Justin BieBer?" I ask, emphasizing the B sound, even though calling him Justin BeaVer is hilarious. (Don't even ask, Mom, I'm not explaining it.)

"We don't like him because we're all boys.... and he's a girl!" He waits for the laugh. Which he got!

You should go check out Kristina's Blog .

And no worries, Kristina, #7's won't be taking over your spot in the blogiverse just yet; he's got cool and celebrity snark down but is still working on the finer points of writing, ABC's and stuff.

Curse and Drat! My links don't seem to be working. I warned you I'm not cool. Go to Pulsipher Predilections on my side bar.

Complimentary

Every mom of boys hopes she can teach her sons to notice the strengths of others. She also hopes that somehow she can teach her sons to offer sweet, sincere, heart-felt compliments. Think about it, if I can accomplish that one little thing my daughters-in-law will love me, birds will sing, fairies will dance in the moonlight and world peace will abound.

Sadly this is not as easy as it sounds. Boys are just so honest. And somewhat oblivious. "Wow! Your butt is Huge! What the heck happened to it?" Is so easily misunderstood. True Story!

Sunday at church I think we saw a little progress though. #5 is 9 years old and really loves music. He sat on the edge of the bench listening intently as a mother and daughter with beautifully trained and practiced vocal skills sang, Come Thou Font of Every Blessing. Half-way through the song he turned to me eyes shining and said loudly, "How the freak did they get their voices to sound like that?" He turned back and listened some more. "Mom, I've heard them both talk and wow, who knew they could sing this way?" The song ended, "That was incredible!"

I have known this family since forever so I shared the compliment with the Mom. "I think that is the best compliment I have ever received" she said!

Freakin' world peace can't be far behind.