Monday, July 6, 2009

Mondays Muttered Mumblings

Wow! Do I have Smokin' Hot contests or What?

Here is the typical response, "Uhh, I'm not even going to try to guess your birth order."

OK, fine, that leaves me with a tie between Suey for getting the first and last right and Mummy McTavish for guessing that I look about 21 years old. And, the winner is, based on carefully unbiased calculations that have absolutely nothing to do with Suey living down the block and Mummy McTavish living in Australia which doesn't celebrate a red white and blue star themed holiday, drum roll please. Suey You won! You lucky girl! Adorable Hubby will be so thrilled that the stars are leaving their spot of honor on the hearth and heading down the street to clutter your abode. You even get to pick the paint color. Or Lucky you! You can paint them yourself!

There, now let's get some muttered mumblings going. My woeful tale begins Wednesday night or early Thursday morning, if you care about those things. To me, night is night and I should be sleeping not being woke up by Adorable Hubby informing me that #5 and #7 are puking everywhere.

"And I should wake up and deal with this why? " I wondered groggily, until I remembered our husband/wife deal. I deal with all bodily fluids and he deals with...NOTHING! I jest, mostly, he'll wipe a snotty nose with his bare hands so were even, almost.

I wadded up the bedding full of bean burritos, which we will not be eating for a very long time, puke, and tossed it in the laundry room, scraped the worst chunks off the carpet, gathered puke buckets and towels then cuddled two retching boys the rest of the night. Just a little kiddie tummy bug, I thought. Grown-ups never get those, I thought.

Next morning all seemed well, carpets were scrubbed bedding washed, the two boys slept all day queasy but no eruptions. Thursday night no problems.

Friday night #8 came home from work early feeling queasy and light headed, running a fever. "You'll be over it by morning," I promised him with a hug.

Later Friday night I picked up #5 and #7 from a cousins sleepover. I had planned to pick up #7, I still need my baby home at night, and #5 came home with a tummy ache. He walked in the door ran to the bathroom and 'almost' puked in the toilet. "I feel better now Mom. Can I go back to the sleep over?''

"No, and don't even start whining because the answer is..." #7 puked all over my feet. What the...

I cleaned my feet. I Cleaned #7. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the kitchen floor. I lined their beds with towels. I tried to fall to sleep. I ended up holding a retching #7 all night. I'll be OK, I hoped.

July Forth, Adorable Hubby wakes up snarling and grumpy! # 1 and # 2 leave for work, an hour later #1 comes home, Puking and Pooping. I sit in the shade at the family reunion gazing at the hamburger and salads on my plate, yucky. Adorable Hubby eats and heads home for a nap. We laugh we party, we visit, we spread germy love through the family.

At 4:00 Adorable Hubby leaves with the brothers and Brothers-in-law for a Frisbee golf tournament. I walk across the street to my cool family room. My tummy is not happy!

At 5:30 Adorable Hubby walks into the house, says he's fighting the pukes and lays down. I blog and listen to some amazing sounds coming from my belly. At 6:00 Adorable Hubby walks into the family room shame faced. "I'm worse then the kids!" He mumbles.

Are you sicker? I ask, really bad grammar is excused during a barf-o-rama.

"No, I didn't make it to the toilet." He moans.

I follow him down the hall to the bedroom, What the...

I walk to the bathroom door, WHAT THE...

"The bodily fluids deal is off!" I gasped, between gags, "You're cleaning this up yourself!"

A couple minutes later I hear the Shop Vac start up! W!H!A!T! T!H!E! !!! No one does that to my beloved shop vac!

I was too sick to care.

Twenty minutes later I puked in the garbage can while sitting on the toilet in the toxic waste land that used to be our bathroom.

Two hours later # 4 puked in the toilet, almost!

No one went to church on Sunday, no one cleaned the bathroom either.

Monday I left for work at 6:45 A.M.

When he picked me up from work Adorable Hubby made me guess how long it took him to clean the bathroom, "Four hours!" He announced before I could guess.

WWHHAATT TTHHEE... Adorable Hubby cleaning up fermented, crusted, 2nd, 3rd and 4th of July, bodily fluids while I'm at work, I think I'm in love. Happy anniversary tomorrow Adorable Hubby!

Yes I know I digressed into What the...Friday mode on Muttered Mumbling Monday. But, in my defense, it did take place partly on Friday.

9 comments:

Heffalump said...

Ah...like a pebble in the water. How many ripples did you create? I really want to know...how many extended family and sleepover people ended up with the pukes?
Glad you are feeling better and I hope no one in your household has them for a long time!

Tiffany said...

that was probably the yuckiest post I've read in awhile. My tummy hurts.

Mummy McTavish said...

I'm with Heffalump... I want to know how far reaching the boy-family virus was! That was a puke-tastic post!

Good call on the hooks. Although our flag is red white and blue as well, we tend to have a heavy green and gold bent. But geez, that postage to down the road will kill you, I hope she makes you a coffee when you get there. I would if you brought them all the way to me:)

I got confused on the #8 thing... I thought you were sending the "baby" out to work (I wasn't sure what work there was for semi-clothed 4 year olds with a love for sandpits and their mummy)... then I realised that it would make sense to call your latest addition #8 rather than re-label everyone. Yep, he's old enough to work.

Hope you are all over the pukes and poops soon. Oh, and that the vac survives... if not he can buy you a new one for your anniversary.

Happy Anniversary Boy Parents!

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

YUCK!!! I don't do puke...THAT is why I married a nurse. :0) Yep, he has NO excuses!!!! NONE!!!

Is it wrong that I think I need to go grab a bucket?

And, please tell me you all don't barf in a chili pot? I always think that is so gross. The trash can, yes. The toilet, even better. Chili pot, GROSS!

Sorry about your floors. I hope the bug is long gone and no longer visiting!!!!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Barbaloot said...

Sounds kind of like the worst thing ever. Hope you're all getting better!

Deb said...

1. I am now so glad I only have two kids. Yikes.

2. I tried, but apparently got nothing right! I think I should get an ultimate loser shout-out...

Suz said...

Okay, hows come I didn't get a phone call informing me of all the other puke fests. I guess, if we get the pukes it is my own fault for invading you home for several hours during mid stream of the puke fest. Milo did have the squirts a few times yesterday. So glad we avoided the the sleepover. Tommy was so bummed. He claimed that he was family, thankful he was disowned for the 4th.

Love you. I hope you are all feeling better. Happy Anniversary.

Suey said...

I won? Sheesh, I should have tried harder. I think I could have gone one further both ways. (second oldest and second youngest!)

Sorry to hear you've all been sick. It sounds awful. Don't bring it down the street please!!! :)

mandi said...

Uuuggghhh. I think I'm going to avoid you for awhile, until I'm sure it's safe. :) That is NOT FUN!!

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