Mondays Muttered Mumblings

Wow! Do I have Smokin' Hot contests or What?

Here is the typical response, "Uhh, I'm not even going to try to guess your birth order."

OK, fine, that leaves me with a tie between Suey for getting the first and last right and Mummy McTavish for guessing that I look about 21 years old. And, the winner is, based on carefully unbiased calculations that have absolutely nothing to do with Suey living down the block and Mummy McTavish living in Australia which doesn't celebrate a red white and blue star themed holiday, drum roll please. Suey You won! You lucky girl! Adorable Hubby will be so thrilled that the stars are leaving their spot of honor on the hearth and heading down the street to clutter your abode. You even get to pick the paint color. Or Lucky you! You can paint them yourself!

There, now let's get some muttered mumblings going. My woeful tale begins Wednesday night or early Thursday morning, if you care about those things. To me, night is night and I should be sleeping not being woke up by Adorable Hubby informing me that #5 and #7 are puking everywhere.

"And I should wake up and deal with this why? " I wondered groggily, until I remembered our husband/wife deal. I deal with all bodily fluids and he deals with...NOTHING! I jest, mostly, he'll wipe a snotty nose with his bare hands so were even, almost.

I wadded up the bedding full of bean burritos, which we will not be eating for a very long time, puke, and tossed it in the laundry room, scraped the worst chunks off the carpet, gathered puke buckets and towels then cuddled two retching boys the rest of the night. Just a little kiddie tummy bug, I thought. Grown-ups never get those, I thought.

Next morning all seemed well, carpets were scrubbed bedding washed, the two boys slept all day queasy but no eruptions. Thursday night no problems.

Friday night #8 came home from work early feeling queasy and light headed, running a fever. "You'll be over it by morning," I promised him with a hug.

Later Friday night I picked up #5 and #7 from a cousins sleepover. I had planned to pick up #7, I still need my baby home at night, and #5 came home with a tummy ache. He walked in the door ran to the bathroom and 'almost' puked in the toilet. "I feel better now Mom. Can I go back to the sleep over?''

"No, and don't even start whining because the answer is..." #7 puked all over my feet. What the...

I cleaned my feet. I Cleaned #7. I cleaned the bathroom. I cleaned the kitchen floor. I lined their beds with towels. I tried to fall to sleep. I ended up holding a retching #7 all night. I'll be OK, I hoped.

July Forth, Adorable Hubby wakes up snarling and grumpy! # 1 and # 2 leave for work, an hour later #1 comes home, Puking and Pooping. I sit in the shade at the family reunion gazing at the hamburger and salads on my plate, yucky. Adorable Hubby eats and heads home for a nap. We laugh we party, we visit, we spread germy love through the family.

At 4:00 Adorable Hubby leaves with the brothers and Brothers-in-law for a Frisbee golf tournament. I walk across the street to my cool family room. My tummy is not happy!

At 5:30 Adorable Hubby walks into the house, says he's fighting the pukes and lays down. I blog and listen to some amazing sounds coming from my belly. At 6:00 Adorable Hubby walks into the family room shame faced. "I'm worse then the kids!" He mumbles.

Are you sicker? I ask, really bad grammar is excused during a barf-o-rama.

"No, I didn't make it to the toilet." He moans.

I follow him down the hall to the bedroom, What the...

I walk to the bathroom door, WHAT THE...

"The bodily fluids deal is off!" I gasped, between gags, "You're cleaning this up yourself!"

A couple minutes later I hear the Shop Vac start up! W!H!A!T! T!H!E! !!! No one does that to my beloved shop vac!

I was too sick to care.

Twenty minutes later I puked in the garbage can while sitting on the toilet in the toxic waste land that used to be our bathroom.

Two hours later # 4 puked in the toilet, almost!

No one went to church on Sunday, no one cleaned the bathroom either.

Monday I left for work at 6:45 A.M.

When he picked me up from work Adorable Hubby made me guess how long it took him to clean the bathroom, "Four hours!" He announced before I could guess.

WWHHAATT TTHHEE... Adorable Hubby cleaning up fermented, crusted, 2nd, 3rd and 4th of July, bodily fluids while I'm at work, I think I'm in love. Happy anniversary tomorrow Adorable Hubby!

Yes I know I digressed into What the...Friday mode on Muttered Mumbling Monday. But, in my defense, it did take place partly on Friday.