Monday, December 8, 2008

Mondays' Muttered Mumblings Brings You Boy Moms' First Annual Toy Review

Saturday morning as I chatted with a friend on the phone, I escaped my boys by wandering the backyard, picking up toys and garbage, dressed in a fuzzy blue bathrobe, minus the belt, and boot slippers. Yep, classiest gal in the whole dang trailer park, I am. As I gathered a patio table full of toys, I was overcome with the memories of all the joy these boy toys had brought my herd of male offspring. A touch of Christmasy spirit inspired a need to serve my fellow boy toy purchasing bloggers, thus the beginnings of Boy Mom's First Annual Toy Review. I couldn't bear to think of another mom to a boy facing the boy toy shelves at Consumermart with out some guidance from this uber experienced boy toy connoisseur.

Toys will be reviewed least to most favorite, building suspense and anticipation which you'll want to bring with you as you face the toy aisles this festive season.

In last place due to the weather, but in Australia, I've relearned, (I think I knew this in 8th grade) that it's summer in which case Aussie readers feel free to reverse the rankings order, is Last Summers Kiddie Pool. This pool is wonderful for those afternoons when the mercury reaches a balmy 41 degrees and the boys have de-winterized the faucets and dragged out the hose. It comes with a random floatie toy or two including a normally non-aquatic mammal, it also comes with two cups of expensive, high-quality playground sand. Draw backs include, a few holes, dirty towels and $300.00 at the doctors office for colds and frostbite.

The Rake, Leaf and Snow Shovel Set, is normally classified as a tool not a toy, until a Boy Mom is begged, "Please, please leave us a pile of leaves to play in, we promise to bag them when were done, and put the rakes and shovels away, please, please, please." These tools turned toys are great for hours of outdoor fun. Snow shovels and rakes can double as varied weaponry from clubs to light sabers, guns to swords, enhancing imagination and violence, always a plus in boy toys. Another set of snow shovels is recommended just in case three feet of snow falls on the shovels before they are put away as promised, not that it's ever happened here or anything.
Dragon In A Tree, a perennial favorite, variations include: Teddy Bear In A Tree, Shoe In A Tree and Nerf Football In A Tree. Once placed in the tree this innovative toy increases throwing accuracy as your boy throws random items attempting to dislodge it. You have to provide your own tree, and careful instruction in aiming away from windows and neighbors cars is an important consideration.

Ultimate Outdoor Throw-it Set, a great companion set to Dragon In A Tree. This set comes with a slightly deflated football, a cracked Frisbee, and random whiffle ball. Disappointments and tears are avoided with these pre-distressed toys, no more five year old boys demanding to be driven to the store, right now, to replace a broken or deflated toy. Windows and passer-bys' are less likely to be injured by these slightly less than classic boy toys.

Naked Dolly With A Shovel is top of the line in gender roll de- stereotyping play. The back to nature clothing scheme and shovel, scream, total feminine side acceptance in the sand box world. Be warned occasional teasing from non-forward thinking playmates may result.

Auto Shop Collection. These collectibles are not recommended for regular play as the value of collectibles decreases when removed from their original packaging. They look great at the bottom of the toy box in a boy room and as their value increases Juniors got a great investment in the future.

This next item is a must for the mixed gender home, Disney Princesses Bowling Set. Wow! Who could ask for a more versatile toy. Little girls can have hours of fun chatting, bossing and hair flipping with these pretty ladies. When your little princess has moved on to another activity no need to pick up after her, just call in the boys, set princesses in classic bowling alley formation and let the boy fun begin. Be aware that while the sporting little lass may join this game for a turn or two many girlie types find battered flying princesses traumatic. Save yourself a tear or two-thousand by restricting boy use of the Disney Princesses Bowling Set to nap time.

Carl's Jr. Cup 'O Random Lego's, each set is unique, original and comes with no instructions. They can be tossed in the yard for games of Lawn Mower Hide-n-Seek, or spread through the house for a lights out game of Bare Foot Roulette. These well traveled toys find their way to every nook and cranny of a boys domain and are a must for the budding architect or structural engineer. Warning: Carl's Jr. Cup 'O Random Lego's are known to cause the occasional stream of obscenities in shoe-less boy parents.

The number one favorite toy and 2008 winner of the Boy Mom Toy Review is, drum roll please, Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... Hole In The Head Woody. This versatile toy is a must for the 5 years and under crowd. The character is based on the sequel to the popular Disney movie Toy Story entitled, There Are Way Worse Places Than Sid's House. Hole In The Head Woody is great for the boy who needs a stash for his boy treasures, Woody's head serves as a gender acceptable boy purse for grasshoppers, small rocks, used fireworks shells, sticks or any number of boy treasures. Woody comes with a handy carrying string, not to be confused with the voice string in other versions, which can be used to haul Woody around, tie things together, hang Woody from various structures or as a projectile launcher, just twirl around head until maximum speed is achieved then let go launching Hole In The Head Woody with mind boggling velocity at nearby people and objects. Though there is the potential that Woody might actually have a secret toy life which could be compromised by a large hole in the head, Hole In The Head Woody is Boy Mom's choice for Boy Toy of the year.

Enjoy shopping fellow Boy Moms, You can thank me later.


in time out said...

funny post. thanks. hey, i came by to tell you that my daughter wanted you to win. she thinks you need the chocolate most because of all the boys. cute. She said she only has to DEAL with three boys, and dad, and you have like, eight. her words. it was so cute. so you totally needed to be the honorary winner. yeah for you. when my daughter mentioned you after drawing the names, i knew i had to tell you that she thought of you FIRST. and said YOU should have won. too bad for us not rigging the competition.

hey, take care...♥

Mummy McTavish said...

Lion came BEGGING to use my precious Tupperware Serving Centre one day. I figure "it's tupperware, cant break" and I was oh so curious... He gathered all his dodgy broken cars and made it his "fix it shop" with all the parts in each section. Boy did I feel bad when 3 days later I needed to use it for food. "but it's my FIX IT shop MUM". I am considering "hole in the head woody" for our resident handbag conniseur, and we need more violence here so perhaps the snow shovel set, not sure where I would find one in TROPICAL north Queensland though... online?

Shelley said...

you are too funny. I'm just amazed that you haven't lost your mind being the only woman in all those guys. Do you have your own toilet?

Mr. and Mrs. Nurse Boy said...

I think you just might have been in OUR backyard. Thanks for the giggles!!!

Mrs. Nurse Boy

Just me said...

Love the Dragon in a Tree! We've had a "Whiz Ring in a Tree" here and a few kites but never a Dragon! LOL

Great post! LOL

Octamom said...

Heading right out to scour my local yard for such a collection as this...we also enjoy the Unraveling Hammock Set, the Shredded Cardboard Mouldering in the Grass Collection and the ever popular Abandoned Dog Dish...


mandi said...

HAHA! At least you can tell they're loved and used, right? I hate it when I buy toys that go totally unplayed with. "I demand to know why this isn't broken yet! Don't you kids even care about it?"

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