Blogging

I installed a counter on my blog. I share this little tidbit, not in case you missed it but, because I am so freakin' proud of myself for figuring out how to install it with only one phone call to my brother in law Rob via Amy, to find out my IP address. I just knew this blog would help me become less of a computer idiot. Thanks to all of you who stop by and visit an extra huge thanks to all who leave comments.

I love the self-discovery process this blogging thing has become; my sister Jenny who lives across the street and is, thus, here quite often, tells me I appear very Zen like and unflappable on my blog...she wants to assure you, that is not always or even often the case. I have noticed, however, that I am more aware of the joyful, funny aspects of my families day-to-day adventures and I find it easier to focus on the fun rather then the irritations as I view my life from the point of view of my blog readers.

I wonder if I viewed God as the reader of every blog entry I write by my daily reactions to life, my children and my spouse, would I get as frustrated, would I judge myself as harshly, would I turn on my children or spouse with anger and irritation or would I look towards heaven and laugh asking the great Father of us all, help me see the humor and growth in this event so that you'll love reading it and I can be glad you do.

I have come to know myself so much better over the past few months, I am Zen like and unflappable on the outside most of the time; it's on the inside that I struggle. Today as I attempted to do yoga the instructor cautioned us, in her most Zen like voice, not to be hard on ourselves because we couldn't do certain poses, "Be nice to yourself then you can be nice to others" she said. I am so hard on myself...I tell myself how fat I am and how unorganized my life is, how if I just had a little discipline I wouldn't let myself down all the time I even hold a nasty secret belief that there are women who's laundry is actually done. I hold up an ideal which is a combination of my perception of the very best strengths of everyone I know and then I beat myself up because I am less then that Ideal. Reading your blogs helps me know I am normal and that I am wonderful because I don't have perfect discipline and I'm not the perfect size and my life is chaotic yet I still manage to live and love and serve and bless others. Your blogs let me know that you are struggling with the same things and that we really are all here to learn from experience and that God judges none of us.

Enough of that, I am just learning to love me which, according to the yoga instructor on channel 11, will help me love you and you are wonderful :) you deserve to be loved.