Wednesday, January 23, 2008
This Morning when Miah came up to get breakfast the first words out of his mouth were, "Do I have to go to school today?"
I countered with my best psycho babble bull s*** answer, "Miah, if you feel your best interests would be served today by staying home, then stay home, it's your decision."
To which he replied, "Mom, I hate it when you go all fortune cookie on me."
I got a good laugh out of his response as I often do with Miah, he's a funny kid; and, he decided it was in his best interest to go to school.
I guess I didn't get the whole fortune cookie thing out of my system because I've decided to share some thoughts this morning.
January is a tough month, I am supposed to set goals, why, because society expects it. After all, how can I be a card carrying member of western/Christian society if I don't have my January goals listed and tucked away in gloomy anticipation of their demise in February or March. If I don't set goals I won't accomplish anything right? Besides, I am a child of God he expects me to set goals. These ideas have led me to consistently sit down and write out my little list of goals for years; only to spend January in misery feeling like a sinner a failure, and an undeserving child of God.
What are goals and why do I get guilted in to setting them and guilty when I don't achieve them?
I have come to define goals as a want list, I want to lose 50 lbs., I want to keep up with the laundry, I want to be out of debt. feelings of want are a normal healthy part of being alive, if I didn't want food I would starve to death, you get the idea, wanting is not bad, wanting just is. The problem with wanting lies in thinking that happiness comes from attaining our wants, or that wanting a bigger house or more money or to be thinner makes me less than someone who has or is those things. As a Christian I've been taught to set goals/wants because I will get whatever I set my heart and mind on; therein lies the worst problem with goals/wants; as I say repeatedly in my head I want, I want I want... I get the desires of my heart and mind, I get a state of want. This has worked really well for me most of my life and I'm sure it's working equally well for most of you. The problem is compounded by the Christian falselosophy that goals are acceptable but wanting is bad, I should just be content with what God has given me right, but make sure you set those goals, no wonder I need chocolate. Oh no, I'm eating chocolate I have a goal/want to be 50 lbs. thinner I'm a sinner I don't deserve to be thin.
That brings me to my point, the word, deserve, what a beautiful word, it implies that something has been earned that it is a rightful reward of having put forth the effort to become the thing I aspired to. Imagine the results of my goals if I deserved to lose 50 lbs., or deserved to have the laundry done, or deserved to be debt free? I think my children deserve to have plenty of food, and clothing, a comfortable living environment an education, play time, chores, and love and forgiveness as they learn. As a child of a loving Father in Heaven I deserve to receive the wants of my heart. I deserve to be 50 lbs thinner and to have every other desire of my heart. I have spent many years perfecting the art of creating a state of want it will require effort to create a state of deserving, but, I do deserve, I am a child of God.