Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Holy Cow

On the 31st Richards wakes up and says, "I Want to make a roast with carrots and potatoes around it". I, recovering from two days of the stomach flu, am willing to agree to anything that someone else will make.

Richard leaves to work for part of the day so all I have to do is get a roast and toss it in the oven. Not usually a big deal for me. By noon I'm still in a robe shoving handfuls of cheese popcorn into my face to quell the waves of nausea (no, I'm not pregnant, Oh this has been a fun three days). So I concoct a nauseatingly brilliant plan, I'll send Jacob and Joshua to the store for the roast and some carrots before they go to their afternoon video party with a friend.

I round up the boys and give them forty dollars, and instructions, "Go to the store, get a roast and a bag of carrots."
Boys: Mom what kind of roast, be specific, we don't want to get it wrong? (To them trips to the store are a chance to reach into past lives and become native hunter/gatherers).
Mom: Get a couple of rump roasts. Do not get a pot roast! (Pot roasts make me ill on a good day)
Boys: How much roast? We want to know exactly how much. (As they sharpen their spears)
Mom: Um, two roasts is about, I dunno (through a mouth full of cheesy popcorn) 10 lbs? And don't forget the carrots.
Boys: 10 lbs of rump roast, rump roast, rump roast and carrots. (They utter their ancient chant as they set off, fierce hunter/gatherers, to secure meat for their cave momma)
Cave Momma: Turns green, runs to the bathroom.

I figure, with the specific instructions and the simplicity of the task, they will be back in fifteen minutes and off to their video party. 40 minutes later I rouse myself, from stomach flu self pity, to a little concern, their friend calls to see where they are. I ask if he will go look for them if they aren't back in fifteen minutes.

Fifteen minutes later the car pulls in, my hunters are back thank heavens! I call off the search party. The hunt was successful, they have found the beast, ascertained its weakness, stalked, slew, and selected the choicest cut, loaded it in their Suburban pack horse and returned, triumphant! As with all ancient warriors they first have to tell the tale, they triumphantly slap the roast on the cupboard, I can't take my blurry eyes off the impressive kill (I should have paid a little more attention during weights and measures).

The tale begins, "Mom, we had to go to Macy's, Harmon's was out of rump roasts." They are beaming with their ingenuity and skill.
"We looked and looked, we couldn't find one bigger then 3 or 4 lbs. So, we asked the butcher lady." Ha, they enlisted an expert, a semi-hot female no less.
She said, "Boys, lets go cut you one." She was a cunning choice.
"It's fresh Mom. It cost $41.29 We had to use our own money to buy the carrots and pay taxes." They are breathless with the mastery of it all.

Tale told, testosterone fix secured , they are off to their video party and I am left to my cheesy popcorn and trying to find a pan that will accommodate the beast.

Seasoned, and browned waiting for potatoes and carrots. This is not the 11x13 Pyrex. It's the bigger one(I'm really going to have to figure out this measurements thing). At this point we invited one family over to dinner, after we got the veggies around it we called another family.

This is our New Years Eve feast, out of the oven and ready to eat. Our friends the Baileys with their 2 children came over, my brother, John, his wife and 6 children and we still had leftovers. After dinner we had a Wii bowling tournament, visited and passed around some non-alcoholic bubbly and saw in the New Year.

Hanna, showing all the excitement of our New Year's Celebration.

The aftermath. This is what happens when you leave families home alone for New Years Eve.
The next morning we looked around to see who was still here and where they had slept.

Isaac, couch in the Grandpa Room.

Jeremiah, couch in the Grandpa room.

Benjamin, couch in the living room. Their cousin Sam slept somewhere in one of these rooms.

Dad, Mom, Joseph and Adam in Mom and Dads bed, as usual.

Jacob and Joshua slept at Austin's, came home at 10:30 am looking very much like modern teenagers instead of the fierce roast hunters they proved themselves to be.

Happy New Years to all!


Anonymous said...

That is a very large piece of meat. Wow. I'm impressed. Now, did Rick actually do any of the cooking there??? Didn't sound like it. :) I'm sorry you are still sick. You sure no preggers??? :0

Rob said...

Tears are rolling down my face. Hilarious!!


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